She asked me why did I think the way I do.
I was dumbfounded. Seriously!!
Metta !!
I was dumbfounded. Seriously!!
Metta !!
Friday, March 13, 2020
Saturday, January 18, 2020
Peace for this year !
Things were not that easy, and things aren't easy either. I see darkness at times and it's tough to move over. I hope January just gives happiness and the dark clouds flee by.
Metta!
Metta!
Friday, November 29, 2019
Heart post !
I realize the want of talking more lately. Feels like so much of quietness has engulfed me that at times all I want to do is to talk. Talk about various things, books, plants, paintings, pictures, travels, something new ongoing around, values of life, worldview one makes and so many more things. And I feel there's a dearth in talking always, if it were not for Suman, my life would have missed all the meaningful conversations. I can't make people understand my state of thought, my mentality at the moment and anything. Or if I speak it would be mostly me talking, making it more like a one way conversation. Or it would be listening to others, without them realizing what's my point of say. Or there would be people with whom I would like to talk, but we seldom have time for each other. It just doesn't make much sense to anyone.
If only Suman were not there, my life would be so incomplete. So so incomplete. I feel grateful for this life as long as the friendship years :-) having not known her only for the early toddlerhood days. Thank you for being there in everything- for this life. I love you.
Metta !
If only Suman were not there, my life would be so incomplete. So so incomplete. I feel grateful for this life as long as the friendship years :-) having not known her only for the early toddlerhood days. Thank you for being there in everything- for this life. I love you.
Metta !
Friday, November 22, 2019
Moments of grief !
That moment when you even have no one to cry with and you are helpless like anything. I know that times will be better but it has already taken a lot of time. Please help endure dear heart!
This playlist now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd2e-mmeU_w !
Metta !!
This playlist now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd2e-mmeU_w !
Metta !!
Conversations with thyself !
Some days it makes me believe my says are useless and of no use. However, I cannot make not saying says. Many times it's like talking to myself but yet I do. Many days I endure and some days I just cannot overcome it.
Thankfully I can pour words in the blank walls and fill the voids around.
Metta!
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Learning a different way !
I heard him complaining. Complaining about our thoughts-questioning our thoughts? Why/how can you be so? think so?
How could we complain about something he revered? He worshipped all throughout. Maybe our question hit hard on him at that point. Maybe it was a kick on something he worshipped. He couldn't handle it because someone was stepping on that. On my part, I was saying-my feelings. Just my feelings and trying to learn my way. Maybe an irrevalent comment it could have been. But it was my thought. I am learning via my thoughts, my perspectives and shaping it via your teachings.
Maybe our beliefs are very delicate. Delicate enough to be blown off even by a questioning other.
Life, learn in this path!
Metta !!
How could we complain about something he revered? He worshipped all throughout. Maybe our question hit hard on him at that point. Maybe it was a kick on something he worshipped. He couldn't handle it because someone was stepping on that. On my part, I was saying-my feelings. Just my feelings and trying to learn my way. Maybe an irrevalent comment it could have been. But it was my thought. I am learning via my thoughts, my perspectives and shaping it via your teachings.
Maybe our beliefs are very delicate. Delicate enough to be blown off even by a questioning other.
Life, learn in this path!
Metta !!
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Tranquility
NO you cannot feel bad. You are already a mother. Sink in "Mom" Sink in :-)
Metta !
Metta !
Thursday, November 07, 2019
Excuses and life !
Sometimes it feels like I have been a bag of excuses. Excuses are what I make, but then I don't seem to have a way out. That's the only thing I have because those are realities in my life. They are happening as a series of mishaps and I am captured in those. Though I try to get out of them, try to run things better. I am captured. Captured somewhere in between. Hopefully, this too shall pass. Just that this passing time has been long and I am in trouble at this moment.
Metta!
Metta!
Tuesday, November 05, 2019
To you, my friend !
I couldn't have get along easier, had I not had my comfort zone around and some good people. Chantal, I will remember you for ages. For ages, you will be that friend who was beside me when I needed someone the most. Words indeed cannot define the feels at times I felt. You are beyond words.
Thank you for being there. I cannot thank you enough!
Loves,
Kay!
Thank you for being there. I cannot thank you enough!
Loves,
Kay!
Wednesday, October 30, 2019
Random ramblings !
Even the day was sunny, there's nothing much brightness around to look forward to.
Hopefully, things work. I cross my fingers. I pray! Hope almighty listen. Hope
Metta !
Hopefully, things work. I cross my fingers. I pray! Hope almighty listen. Hope
Metta !
Some days !
Meanwhile, I do not see any good way to move ahead. I am in between the clueless clouds.
Please get the clouds over and take them away! Please.
Metta !!
Thursday, October 24, 2019
Drained to bits !!
It's pretty weird, very very weird in fact when she tells me "you should be sad for the unknown saddening that might approach your life"
"Why are you so happy?" "Anything can happen anytime. Nothing is sure."
The message comes to me as "Cry over what has not come to you, but you never know can come. Not every person has a good life like you and you should be *pretty sad* because you have a good life which can alter any time. Don't be happy," that is her message many times. And I wonder why is this that this world and its people are left with the fondness for sadism. I try to make her understand to be happy, yet I am left back being tagged as the stubborn one because I advocate for positivism and say "why do you always start with a NO".
It's pretty draining Suman. It is very draining.
I fight with the world Suman, but not always.....this drains me to infinity.
*
*
*
Or maybe this is what her life has been all throughout and she cannot think beyond it, even if she tries, even if she tried. And then ends up bringing the river of tears in her eyes because this was what happened to her whole her life. Whenever she assumed things would set back on track, suddenly some unwanted happening popped up leaving her with tears. Having lived 50 years of life as such, maybe she has left her hopes, her happiness somewhere in between and maybe I try to bring back some hope for her.
In her haplessness, she tried being bold seeing how she has seen the world as always. Maybe someday this change. Maybe someday.
I wait for the day!
Metta!!
"Why are you so happy?" "Anything can happen anytime. Nothing is sure."
The message comes to me as "Cry over what has not come to you, but you never know can come. Not every person has a good life like you and you should be *pretty sad* because you have a good life which can alter any time. Don't be happy," that is her message many times. And I wonder why is this that this world and its people are left with the fondness for sadism. I try to make her understand to be happy, yet I am left back being tagged as the stubborn one because I advocate for positivism and say "why do you always start with a NO".
It's pretty draining Suman. It is very draining.
I fight with the world Suman, but not always.....this drains me to infinity.
*
*
*
Or maybe this is what her life has been all throughout and she cannot think beyond it, even if she tries, even if she tried. And then ends up bringing the river of tears in her eyes because this was what happened to her whole her life. Whenever she assumed things would set back on track, suddenly some unwanted happening popped up leaving her with tears. Having lived 50 years of life as such, maybe she has left her hopes, her happiness somewhere in between and maybe I try to bring back some hope for her.
In her haplessness, she tried being bold seeing how she has seen the world as always. Maybe someday this change. Maybe someday.
I wait for the day!
Metta!!
Saturday, September 28, 2019
Days!
It's exhilarating mostly, having to fight with self and the whole world and still remain empty!!
Metta !
Metta !
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Times !!
It's a roar inside and the outside is calm. Such a tranquil stage to be in !!
Let the time pass and things settle down.
Metta !
(It's 4:33 AM on 21st August, 2019)
Let the time pass and things settle down.
Metta !
(It's 4:33 AM on 21st August, 2019)