Heart post !

I realize the want of talking more lately. Feels like so much of quietness has engulfed me that at times all I want to do is to talk. Talk about various things, books, plants, paintings, pictures, travels, something new ongoing around, values of life, worldview one makes and so many more things. And I feel there's a dearth in talking always, if it were not for Suman, my life would have missed all the meaningful conversations. I can't make people understand my state of thought, my mentality at the moment and anything. Or if I speak it would be mostly me talking, making it more like a one way conversation. Or it would be listening to others, without them realizing what's my point of say. Or there would be people with whom I would like to talk, but we seldom have time for each other. It just doesn't make much sense to anyone.

If only Suman were not there, my life would be so incomplete. So so incomplete. I feel grateful for this life as long as the friendship years :-) having not known her only for the early toddlerhood days. Thank you for being there in everything- for this life. I love you.

Metta !

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Moments of grief !

That moment when you even have no one to cry with and you are helpless like anything. I know that times will be better but it has already taken a lot of time. Please help endure dear heart!

This playlist now https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd2e-mmeU_w !

Metta !!

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Conversations with thyself !

Some days it makes me believe my says are useless and of no use. However, I cannot make not saying says. Many times it's like talking to myself but yet I do. Many days I endure and some days I just cannot overcome it.

Thankfully I can pour words in the blank walls and fill the voids around.

Metta!

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Learning a different way !

I heard him complaining. Complaining about our thoughts-questioning our thoughts? Why/how can you be so? think so?

How could we complain about something he revered? He worshipped all throughout. Maybe our question hit hard on him at that point. Maybe it was a kick on something he worshipped. He couldn't handle it because someone was stepping on that. On my part, I was saying-my feelings. Just my feelings and trying to learn my way. Maybe an irrevalent comment it could have been. But it was my thought. I am learning via my thoughts, my perspectives and shaping it via your teachings.

Maybe our beliefs are very delicate. Delicate enough to be blown off even by a questioning other.

Life, learn in this path!

Metta !!

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Tranquility

NO you cannot feel bad. You are already a mother. Sink in "Mom" Sink in :-)

Metta !

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Excuses and life !

Sometimes it feels like I have been a bag of excuses. Excuses are what I make, but then I don't seem to have a way out. That's the only thing I have because those are realities in my life. They are happening as a series of mishaps and I am captured in those. Though I try to get out of them, try to run things better. I am captured. Captured somewhere in between. Hopefully, this too shall pass. Just that this passing time has been long and I am in trouble at this moment.

Metta!

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To you, my friend !

I couldn't have get along easier, had I not had my comfort zone around and some good people. Chantal, I will remember you for ages. For ages, you will be that friend who was beside me when I needed someone the most. Words indeed cannot define the feels at times I felt. You are beyond words.

Thank you for being there. I cannot thank you enough!

Loves,
Kay!

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Random ramblings !

Even the day was sunny, there's nothing much brightness around to look forward to.

Hopefully, things work. I cross my fingers. I pray! Hope almighty listen. Hope

Metta !

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Some days !

Meanwhile, I do not see any good way to move ahead. I am in between the clueless clouds.

Please get the clouds over and take them away! Please.

Metta !!

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Drained to bits !!

It's pretty weird, very very weird in fact when she tells me "you should be sad for the unknown saddening that might approach your life"

"Why are you so happy?" "Anything can happen anytime. Nothing is sure."

The message comes to me as "Cry over what has not come to you, but you never know can come. Not every person has a good life like you and you should be *pretty sad* because you have a good life which can alter any time. Don't be happy," that is her message many times. And I wonder why is this that this world and its people are left with the fondness for sadism. I try to make her understand to be happy, yet I am left back being tagged as the stubborn one because I advocate for positivism and say "why do you always start with a NO".

It's pretty draining Suman. It is very draining.

I fight with the world Suman, but not always.....this drains me to infinity.
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Or maybe this is what her life has been all throughout and she cannot think beyond it, even if she tries, even if she tried. And then ends up bringing the river of tears in her eyes because this was what happened to her whole her life. Whenever she assumed things would set back on track, suddenly some unwanted happening popped up leaving her with tears. Having lived 50 years of life as such, maybe she has left her hopes, her happiness somewhere in between and maybe I try to bring back some hope for her.

In her haplessness, she tried being bold seeing how she has seen the world as always. Maybe someday this change. Maybe someday.

I wait for the day!

Metta!!

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Days!

It's exhilarating mostly, having to fight with self and the whole world and still remain empty!!

Metta !

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Times !!

It's a roar inside and the outside is calm. Such a tranquil stage to be in !!

Let the time pass and things settle down.

Metta !
(It's 4:33 AM on 21st August, 2019)

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Turtles all the way down- A review!

This is my third read by John Green and all three reads have captured young adults in the storyline. Aza Holmes is the protagonist in this novel who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and severe anxiety. She has a tough time dealing with it and takes regular counseling from her psychologist. She cannot control the feeling that anything that happens to her will lead her to be affected by Clostridium difficile (C. diff ) and eventually she will die. From small sore to big accident, each incident increases her anxiety some more. Such Aza has a carefree mate Daisy who is a writer herself and blogs on star-war fiction stories. The two friends are very close and there's nothing that's hidden between them. One day Daisy shares about Russel Pickett the great businessman being lost and convinces Aza to look for Mr. Pickett so as to earn the reward under his name. Daisy knows of David Pickett who is Mr. Pickett's son and she believes is Aza's childhood crush too. Aza goes to meet David and here starts a new journey of investigation while love springs. The Pickett empire is filled with mystery which Aza tries to unfold and every fold brings a new story. A new turn in the story comes when the girls know of the reptile tuatara to whom Mr. Pickett has left all his fortune to. The story ends in an unusual turn.

Turtles all the Way Down

Teenage love, mystery, lost parents, future hopes and the upcoming unknowns-the book has tried to incorporate all. Good thing about this book is it flows smoothly. You sit down to make a read and you can just keep reading and not feel bored. This is one typical John Green type novel. I like the read, the characters and the different circumstances they are in one can totally relate.

I give a 3*** for the flow in the read.

Find the review also at GoodReads :-)

Happy Reading
Metta!!

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Today !!

Some days you feel bad. Bad realizing that you were never a part.

Metta !!

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