Sondering again!

Isn't it a weird world where we are just trying to prove ourselves? Prove we are better than the others. Prove "I" think different than the others do, "I" think something someone has never thought or do someone has never done. I am as unique as I could be. I love the ones around me the most or I do my love in the most loving way.

Everything that "I", "Me" and "My" contains. And there's nothing beyond or above that. Some days I try to counsel myself thinking this is how the world works and maybe this is how it should work. Other days I get into this "sonderous" moment where I see myself one among those who is trying attempting to be one of those "specials"? or "non-specials"? Someday my story looks very important and some other days it's the same story of the 90% of the people I know. Because we somehow lived the same life- being a woman, being poor/underprivileged or bound with the family bounding or simply say it we were "Caged." There's not a thing that's new and many days it's this kind of thought that "I" am just nothing into this vast world.

Some existences!

 Until some new beginnings!

Metta!

Image: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/f6/1e/c0/f61ec06c7e3802c8827695fb63c1f81b.jpg

Read more

"She" my friend- (My everything)!!

Isn't it weird that some days I fear what if something happens to me and I would not have expressed (adequately) what you mean to me? I would not have expressed my feelings enough. And puff I go!!

I fear dear. I fear bad! 

Know that, I have always loved you the most. I have always tried the best whatever I can do in all possible ways. Just that I have not known enough of doing things. That I didn't know how things work. I didn't know how I could make it work. They never listened to me. And things were never in my hands. And I regret it every time. I know that have caused you pain. And the easiest of thing just got harder for you, because I couldn't do anything and they didn't listen to me. They didn't even listen to me when I pleaded them for a scholarship, and they didn't write it for me. They never did. And I was devoid of those opportunities. They never listened to me. (I wonder how I survived that)! They always created jargon to complicate things for me. They devoid me of so many things and I could just sulk. They didn't even let me allow my friend's ease. And I sulked more. And all I can feel is pain. Write in pain, shed a few drops and bid a bye to this page of life not to turn it over again.

Just that, I am/will be there for you. Always and forever. I just wish I could open my heart or cry this out at my loudest. I wish I could have said it the loudest then. I wish I wouldn't have let the pain enter in you because of me. I wish!

You are a precious jewel of my life. A sacred one. I wish all the happiness for you my friend. Always and forever!

Love!

Metta!!

Read more

Dandelions and Running Thoughts !

Trying to make writing a routine, yet not sure-how long? More motivations needed !!

************************
Felt like writing about parenthood, this is one of the topics I have wanted to write yet not been able to write. I don't know why, but something or the other things keeps coming as a hindrance. Most importantly me. I have been a slug in writing and reading. And I don't like this "me" who puts off everything.

Being a parent-a mother, has been a wonderful experience at many times and a door-lock for someone like me who dreams a lot at many other times. I cannot express this to be honest. I don't understand if I became mother because I so wanted to be a mother (like many people say, that they tried for motherhood so bad and how not being able to have conceived frustrated them) or it was part of the system and I wanted to overtake into this journey. I can't say it properly. Deep down I understand and tend to think I dread to accept that. Acceptance is so hard. A loving kid makes the journey just so wonderful that is for sure. And I cannot be less thankful for this any day. But maybe that I have taken so many burden on my shoulder that I am already tired. Tired! Mentally!! Physically!! And I really want to come out of this tiredness. I am trying hard but literally I don't know how to. And I am so demotivated that I don't even have the motivation of trying it. And this comes as so heavy at times, I can't move my hands writing it.

**************************
I want to go back to my childhood where everything was so happy with no any shadow of any other kind of pains or uncertainties or anything. I wish I had nothing to think of and just things to merry! I want the bright white dandelions flying around the blue sky and I wish I were running towards them happily with no any heavy feelings.

Let peace come to life!

Metta!
Image: Dandelion

Read more

Period !!

They didn't stop to thrash me again and again and make me realize how kind they have been to me while being unkind to me in every step.

Period !!

Read more

Wonderful SIX months :-)

With love, care and a wonderful bonding has the 6 months passed by. Six months of more love, six months of more care and six months of the more togetherness.

The man and the woman love. It's been a wonderful journey and I really love this phase of life... :-*

Metta!

Read more

Marriage!

Meanwhile I got married. 15th April was the big day. More to tell.

Till then!

Metta!!

Read more

Periods!

Sometimes you get wordless not because you have nothing to say but because you have so many things to say and every word gets you wordless.

Peace I seek.

Metta!!

Read more

PS: I love you!

What does love do to you?

It drives you crazy and at the same time

gets you more into loving.


What does love do to you?

it keeps you in love

while keeps increasing the longings.


What does love do to you?

let drives more love in you 

while keeps love blooming.

What does love do to you?

gives more reason to love

yet making more love flourishing.

PS: I love you

Metta!

Read more

Possessiveness!

Suddenly I realised my possessiveness had been increasing. It always has been directly proportional to love for me and that I can feel the more.

Metta I seek!!

Read more

Mundane talks !

Some days are kind of confusing but still you try to overcome them. You panic and panic some more and that's how it goes.

May be there's no better way to overcome them. Sometimes you seek for help, sometimes you speak off but that doesn't work all the time. And overtime you also know that it's useless to speak as well. That's the general common rule may be and there's no any alternate way out of it.

(takes a long deep breathe)

Signs off !!
In search of Metta!!

Image courtesy: A friend's capture from Pokhara museum!

Read more

#Phases !!

A thought just came over. Someday when I will look at my blog and remember the blabbering made in at so many instances then I will get to know, Yeah! I passed these phases of mine. Sometimes I might think, well I made so big talks at those times or may be I was so childish back then :-)

The phases of life are really interesting. The other day I was reading a blog and came to know that the blog writer had already died. Well I was reading a dead man. It is such a crude feeling.....*My thoughts paused for a while.*.... Well we read so many of the 'deads', not a big deal! But when we read the thoughts, the aspirations, the dreams of someone dead--that give you goosebumps and that's what happened here.

Tsk
Tsk!!

BTW, I love to read Suman's blog. It always energizes me with a new passion. Though she writes less. But whatever she writes, I love it. I am her die-hard fan :-))! Ummm...and he's about to have his exams. Yeah! I miss his words.

And then I was reading a friend's blog lately. I was happy to read the phases he went through. That feeling of going to and fro in someone's life via the writes give an awesome feel too. You know you are looking at someone else's mirror and can actually see them. And then there are also sometimes when you exactly know somehow you think the same too. That's what connects the two peoples. This is an amazing feel, but this is how it is.

And I have stories with so many peoples via their words. I must say words bind me bad. Very very bad. They can swing my thoughts and or make me think some more at the same time....Ahh! endless talks. For now I end my blabbers here!

Until then the *Earth* is round 

Metta !!

Read more

Last night!

I can somehow connect to the last supper as I sit and write the "Last night" as of now. What would last supper be like. The end of many things while something new starts on. 

For me as I write last night, I have so many things moving at the back of my head. Past 3 years roll down the memory lane. I will do this, I will be like this. Things will happen as such and all was there when I came to this place. For the past 3 years I have been in this place-- "Kailali"--I call it the other K-district of my life, as my life moves around some of the K-districts. Nevertheless, as I move on my hand, I feel like is it also important to write inhere? Do I really need to come up with my feelings on this wall ? or just keep it to myself as I would have always done. But then an inner voice told me to speak up and let this page of my life be the open page for today.

I am full with feelings but I will try expressing though I get speechless as always.

Dear Dhangadhi,

You have been an awesome caretaker throughout. I have seen you growing in these 3 years. Just that I never felt connected to you in that ways I would have felt otherwise. 

And--

I am leaving you here.

Leaving where you were

leaving the way you were.

In coming days, yeah we will meet, but we will meet as those friends who were never close but were always together. I cherish our friendship. I know our roads will cross time and then, we will smilingly greet each other. And then again move in our own ways. I have loadsa memories from you/with you. I have had awesome relations being under your realm. I can never forget that. You have been an awesome companion.

Thank you for coming into my life. Your presence has let me grow the more all the while. Your presence really means a lot in life. I will remember you forever. I will cherish your presence in my life forever. You have witnessed the lonesome phases of me. You have witnessed the distant phases of me. You have also witnessed the connectedness phases of me and the happy/happening phases of me. As of now, I can see myself in different corners of "my room" here which will no longer remain mine from tomorrow. I can feel the different moods of mine captured in different blogs, the different stories which evolved in and around this place, the different feelings and the happenings thereafter which I lived. I have a swarm of thoughts as of now-inexpressible though. I will try posting them in the later days. For now a big THANKS to you as I sign off from this good-bye note.

"It's a beginning to the end"

I captured this sight at Dhangadhi Airport in Jan'2014

Until we meet again

Metta!

5th April, Sunday, 2015

2:35 AM

Read more

My GURU !

There are so many instances in life when you are remembered Dr. Yonzon. You are the GURU who holds and will forever hold the sacred place in our hearts. Humans are emotional and we possess this human behavior of un-forgetfulness too. Coz at the end what remains is the memory and we lived some awesome moments with you making up the best of memories for life. 

I still feel ecstatic and proud for the moments spent with you, around you and I proudly post this memoir over here too. We love you Pralad sir.

Deep respects !

Pic taken at Resources Himalaya Foundation

And still I get *wordless* to write some more.
Stay in peace
Metta !

Read more

Eureka's Mumblings !

Every time I started writing, my hand would scribble a few words and then suddenly it stopped. I had many reasons to tell but there was/is never a firm reason so that I can tell that this has been the reason I have not been able to jot down things. May be there had been many things to say or may be there was nothing to say. It was like I was trying to hide away things or maybe though I was not trying to hide even then there was no any pushing factor which would really help me get on track. Writing is actually a treat I could give to myself apart from few of those who would appreciate my writes and tell 'you should keep writing'. May be today I have pushed myself for the same reason too, to write even though I do not have anything special to write upon. May be sometimes some plotless write make more sense than the one with plot.

It's like a misty plotless world again, but as someone said there's a little light at the end of the tunnel. I too wish for some light at the end. 'Coz "I" believe :-)!

For "I's" believe :-)

Metta !

Read more

'Samir'-The Story of Hope

My visit to Dalla Homestay this time from 22-24 September, 2012 brought different scenarios and emotions thereafter. One of the very illustrative is my meeting with SAMIR !

Samir, I met him quite accidentally on that day. It was indeed a general walk through the Khata corridor and some general observations of the area. 

He was sitting beside the fire when I met him in the foggy morning. As any other day I would have talked to any kid, I started my talk with him asking doesn't he have school ?

'It's holiday today,' he said genuinely.

'Where do you study?' I continued.

'There's a blind school in Babai, I study there,' was his prompt reply.

Read more

Dalla Homestay, through my eyes

Its been three times in the past 10 months I have visited Dalla and every time I come to this place there's always a new flavor in the same story of CONSERVATION. Conservation the word in itself is very vast and its meaning more grounded. But seeing Dalla, the village; Shiva, The Community forest; and Mangal Tharu, the leader and the way people are dedicated to conservation is the real example of what naturalists define conservation as "the use, management, and protection of resources so that they are not degraded, depleted, or wasted, and is available on a sustainable basis for use by present and future generations".

Way to the Homestay...!!

Dalla homestay, Suryapatuwa VDC of Bardiya is the village of the user groups from the Shiva community forest which is a part of the Khata biological corridor. A biological corridor represents the path connecting two protected areas from where wild animals move. Thereby Khata corridor connects Bardiya National Park in Nepal to Katarniaghat Wildlife Sanctuary in India. It is one of the functional biological corridors of Nepal as Rhinos, Elephants and other wild animals are known to move between the two trans-boundary protected areas through the Khata corridor.

Read more

Once Upon A Time We were Kids !!

Just as I was getting through many of the thoughts a more prominent thought came upon and I sat back wondering, Oh god ! there really was a lovely time called "Childhood" and once upon a time we were "Kids"..So innocent, so childish, so carefree...No artisism, no phony way of living, no any fake says and nevertheless just the way we are.

Read more

Telling A Tale of Travel

Life indeed is a journey till it ends...Added one more of journey in a new conquest of the endless journey's so far...

It was on Monday last week, when I was planning for an International trip from Nepal to Nepal. Travelling is my passion and in fact who doesn't like to travel. With lot of thoughts/plans and amidst many confusions-dilemmas-and, the way our country was/is moving on I was excited for my travel. I knew ahead awaits an splendid life-time memory for me.

Well the excitement in all such woeful conditions was laid by the fascination of the travel stories told by my Grandpa. It has always been mesmerizing to hear from him. His travel stories to different parts of the country through India while there were inaccessible roads had always given me a charming impression and I was left aback wondering as a kid, how would it have been to travel for Nepal to Nepal through an International trip…;)

Read more