Vanish!

I try hard not to vanish away.
*Puff*
And I will be gone.

Metta!

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मनौरो !

"सिग्रेट छोड्दा नि त्यो सिग्रेटको माया लाको होला हैं तिमीलाई, तर मबाट टाढा हुदाँ मेरो अलि नि माया लागेन नि?," भन्दै जोरसँग फोनमा कराइछे ऊ।  समिरसँग बोल्ने नि मन थिएन ऊसलाई तर सहनको नि सीमा हुदों हो शायद। अनि आज त्यो बाँध फुटेको थियो।

"सिम्रिका" हो यहि नाम दिएको थियो समिरले काजललाई र ऊ पनि यो नाम पाई मक्ख परेकि थिई। थाहा थिएन नि दुनियाको नियम ऊसलाई।  आफु जस्तै सरस-सलिल जो सोच्दथि सबैलाई। समिर पनि आफ्नो नाम सरि नै थियो, उडेर जान आतुर। तर समीरको उडानले काजलका खुला पखेटाहरुलाई काटिदिएको थियो र ऊस्लाई यस्को हेक्का नि थिएन। हेक्का ऊ लिन नै चाहदैन थियो खासमा। ऊ उन्मुक्त हुन चाहन्थ्यो, उन्मुक्तताको सिमा नै थिएन उस्को जीवनमा । मनुष्य स्वार्थि हुञ्छ, हो यो ध्रुव सत्य हो! तर स्वार्थको नि सिमा हुदों हो सायद तर समीरको जीवनमा यो नि लागु हुदैन थियो। काजल सोच्दथी बेर-बेरमा त्यस्तो निस्ठुरी त होइन होला समिर, तर समिरको बारेमा रहेको हरेक सोच नै गलत ठहरिदैं आई रहेको थियो उस्को अहिलेसम्म  ।

पढ्ने निकै शौक थियो काजललाई । पढेकी थिइ उसले वियोगान्त कथाहरु जुन् पढ्दै गर्दा उसलाई निकै हाँसो उठ्थ्यो। तर जीवन भनेको त ठ्याक्क त्यो फिक्सनल कथा जस्तै पो हुदो रहेछ त, सम्झी-सम्झी उस्लाई रुन आईरहेको थियो अचेल। मुड छिन् छिन्मा परिवर्तन भै रहन्थ्यो उस्को आजकाल। खाने मन झन् बढि लाग्ने , कुरा गर्दा-गर्दै रिस उठि हाल्ने वा आँखा पिल-पिलाउने हुने भै रहन्थ्यो ।  बडो गाह्रो स्थिति थियो उस्को। आज सम्म थाहा पाएकी थिइन उस्ले त्यस्तो नि हुन्छ भनि, जीवनको नयाँ आयामहरु उस्को आँखा सामु प्रस्ट जो भै रहेका थिए।

सोच्दा सोच्दै दिउसोबाट साँझ परि सकेको रहेछ। "नानि खान आउ," आमाको पाँचौ पटकको पुकार थियो त्यो। जहिले ढिला नै खान जान्थी उ, तेही भएर खासै वास्ता भएको थिएन उस्को क्रियाकलाप घरमा कसैलाई। उ टुटेकि थिइ भन्ने त कसैले कल्पना नै गर्न सक्दैनथ्यो, यति प्रखर र कडा छाप थियो उस्को घरमा।  तर सायद अब यो  मुखौटा पहिरिन सक्ने स्थितिमा थिइन ऊ।  ऊ आजित भै सकेकी थिइ आफै संग।  बेर बेरमा भागेर कुनै पहाडको कुनामा जाउ जस्तो लाग्दथ्यो ऊसलाई। तर यसरि समस्या संग भाग्ने बानि नि थिएन उस्को, तेही भएर आफुलाई रोकी राखेकी थिई उसले। कुन दिन यो बाँध फुट्ने छ र आफु भित्र रोकी राखेको भेल बग्ने छ भन्ने मात्र पिर थियो ऊसलाई। तेही भएर नि ऊ समिरलाई एक चोटि भेट्न चाह्न्थी, मनमा लागे जतिको सबै भडास समिरलाई नै सुनाएर आजित हुन चाहन्थी ऊ यो छट्पटीबाट।

मोबाइल निकालेर म्यासेज छोडी दिई समिरलाई ऊसले तेही भएर "म तिमीलाई भेट्न चाहन्छु समिर। भोलि भेटम न ५ बजे पाटनमा। "

"सरि सिम्रिका, म त अहिले काठमाडौँ बाहिर छु। फर्किए पछि कल गर्छु नि ल। अनि भेटम्ला।" म्यासेजको जवाफ तुरन्तै आयो। ठिक्क कुरो गर्ने बानि जो थियो समिरको सम्झि काजलले। भेट हुदा चाहिँ समिर नै बढि बोल्दथ्यो, देश/दुनिया/ ठाउँ सबैको बारे, तर म्यासेज चाहिँ काजलको हुन्थे लामा लामा। लेख्ने शौक भएर हो कि वा लेखेर बढी भन्न आऊँदथ्यो ऊसलाई ऐले सम्म टुंगो लगाउन सकेकि थिइन ऊसले।

तेस्पछिका कयौ दिन कुर्दै बिते।

*********************

आज चाँही समिरलाई  भेट्न बोलाएकी थिई ऊसले। (क्रमश:).......मनौरो (भाग-२)!

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P.S: It's PMS !

*PMSing*

It's tough and we really have hard times. 

<Mood swings bad>

<sulk in every other thing>

<very fragile>

<turns off quick>

They say it's premenstrual syndrome and can last until seven days after the start of menstruation. Till then we have hard times, sometimes very hard. Worst of it is you can end up with discussions and stuffs with anyone, when you don't even have any kind of proper reason.

It's tough for us. Very tough to go through all these emotional atyachaar, but well can't help.

<CURRENT MOOD>

What all I can say in these times is "Well blow me down! That's all I can stands, cuz I can't stands n'more!" 

Metta!
Image courtesy: NittyGrittyLove.Com

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Thought for the day!

Neither my birth was in my hands nor my death could be, and in between I am punished for that what not was/will never be in my hands. World is cruel or may be we who make rules and follow them as such are crueler.

Life is bizarre and everything in between!

Metta!

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Popping in thoughts !

May be a thought box is what you end up as. No ifs, No buts.

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Only if!

I live in a ruthless world. Very very ruthless it is. Neither it loves nor it returns the love back. I give back on me at times seeing this. At this moment I feel like may be life would have been better had I been born in the remotest part of the country. Had I had no access to the outside world. I would have been living a carefree happy life. I would not have had much aspirations, much dreams, much of thoughts. My life would have started at 5 AM in the morning and ended by 6 PM. I would just be thinking of the daily chores. Doing stuffs merrily. My merry-making would not have haunted from things to things. My wants would not have been much. My world view would not have been keeping highing up higher. My limits would be limited.

Only if!!

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The NAMOnclature!

Not a Namo fanatic but just a thought came up after so many endearing talks about Namo in my country. The way the blame-game keeps returning to India's court every now and then revolved the thoughts around the situation. Well India has been playing it's card well it seems when it comes to Nepal. But my write is not based on what India is thinking and doing (as I myself donot know much) and focuses more on Namo, so I stick to him. 

Talking about Namo, his arrival to Nepal in August last year and the high-esteemed speech in the parliament with big plans, stories and ideas had dragged people to some dreamland. May be we were just hopeful. Hopeful for the things which we supposed could have happened in our country in the absence of our own government's initiation over stuffs. May be we always knew India's influence over our government, how things happen at our place. We were badly thrashed by the endless transition phase, we were seeking hope in dark and when the PM of India spoke in the parliament it showed us hope and let us dream again. Dream for the better. His presence in the Parliament lifted our spirits. May be what we wanted to hear from our government, the hope the optimism we were looking from our Government had been well spoken up and addressed by the PM of India. He knew what we wanted. The South-Asian sentiments are almost the same I guess that is why we do not think much different from our Indian counterparts. 

When his speech started in the parliament Namo takes the example from "kashi viswanath" to "pashupatinath", he talks about Sita, Buddha and all gods. "Gods" for they touched the godly sentiments of the people. And we are yet not away from these godly sentiments. He portrayed us brave and the better ones for the sake of their country too. Telling us we are better in every way (more in the video: address in the Parliament, Nepal August, 2014)

Cartoon by Satish Aacharya

He addresses what we wanted to hear from our Government-our PM. The talks about the constitution and the plans and practices to be made further. Though in lighter tones in the speech Namo clearly dictates the strict detailings about how to make the constitution right manner. Howsoever, PM of India glorified us with more of hopes, gave flight to our feathers, HIT our dreams high.

********

Cartoon by Rajesh K.C (@phalano)

An year later in September, 2015 India HIT our dreams hard over the constitution which they asked us to *detail* out so much. HITting hard with blockading Nepal; his Government left us sad and disheartened. Along with the day to day troubles we are having we are also wryly HIT by the doings. Our belief was HIT harder. And the smashed pieces have been hurting us along with the smashed dreams mirroring the never ending day to day problems. 

NAMOnclature has figuratively helped to peak the Madhesh aandolan while our politicians are responsibility less. Even though with many turmoils HITting us hard, we look forward to peace.

Metta!

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