Saturday, August 29, 2020

जीवन, कथाबाट कथासम्म


जीवन,

कथाबाट कथासम्म। 

भन्नु धेरै भन्न नसकिने धेरै 

सोच धेरै सपना धेरै 

इनिहरु कै बिचमा बाँच्दै गर्दा को जीवन 

कथाबाट कथासम्म 



हिजो मात्रै थियो सबै जना मिलि हासी खुसि समय बिताएको , अनि आज वहाँ हुनु हुदैन।  सपना जस्तै बिलिन हुनु भयो।  बाकि छ त केवल कथा हरु।  ति धेरै कथा हरु मध्येको एउटा कथा म सानो हुँदाको -

६/७ वर्ष कि थिए हुला म आमा बिरामी भएको हुँदा। त्यो कमुलो मनमा खै कहाँबाट यस्तो आएछ कि आमालाई केहि भए म नि बाच्ने छैन यो संसारमा। आमा बिना केहि छैन यो जीवनमा।  बस् वहाँ हुनु पर्यो अथवा जीवन केहि छैन।  वहालाई सन्चो भयो अनि जीवन पहिले जसरि बढ्दै गयो।  विभिन्न आरोह अवरोह र थप कथाहरु।  यिनी कथाहरु बुन्दा बुन्दै सकियो हाम्रो हजुरआमा को कथा। यो पालि त्यो सानी कन्चनले सोचेको जस्तो यो ठुली कन्चन जान सकिन वहाँ संग, न जान सकी वहाँको छेउमा नै। 

45 days of her departure. Of many things there came a time when we wished she got better and not suffer. And that was the time for the first time in life I realized that in life there comes a time when "not suffer" means "not live" i.e. "leave the life". Such a weird feeling. Such a weird experience. And from far all I could do was look at things helplessly. Cry out aloud or in silence. Only to find my sisters and mom comforting from far. Letting me be there. Be in the last rituals. Ankit giving me that space of mine and comforting and Aarvik crying with me. Times were sad. Times are sad. But we live. That was that. अनि यो कथा सकियो।  र पछाडी छोडी दियो बाकि कथा। अनि नया कथा बुन्ने साहस र धैर्यता।

जीवन,

यो कथाबाट त्यो कथासम्म

#Metta !


Monday, August 10, 2020

Today !

 Not very new says. Not much fancy stories. Just some tiredness and a mind full of thoughts.

Metta!

Wednesday, August 05, 2020

Of (lack of) motivations and healthy life (to be continued)!

I (mostly) think I should adapt to healthy body options for a healthy lifestyle or vice versa. (Do I need to make sense here? Or be politically correct? Or anything? Maybe!! Maybe not!! Bleh!!) But somewhere the enthusiasm looses and I am left with body aches and I can’t even walk properly. Just wondering is it because I have gained a lot of weight (I was 78 kg a month back, I should have gained more as I have no control over eating + FYI I have not shed any weight post pregnancy. Or maybe I haven’t ATTEMPTED enough to loose any WEIGHT!) or is an indication of a very unhealthy lifestyle. Am I not knowing even though “I feel” I know, or is something missing in between? I have to figure out. And I hope I ACT while figuring OUT.

Noting these thoughts down so that I am more accountable. Or I wish I be more accountable. For its always known “A healthy life is a must.” Yet so less done 😓!

#MotivationMantra @2:04 AM Pacific time!

Metta!