Nov 29, 2022
Two things:
One: A couple of days back I reread a message- "Do you like straight forward criticism?" I said: Yes. They: "your writing is bland. No taste, no writing skill, no proper use of verbose."
I knew then, I am not a great writer, but I try to express- I try to write, just in the hope I will be better. I still tend to write even though I was heart broken then, I doubted myself a little bit more then. I still write, because writing is the only medium where I can express myself fully- the way I want to. Like I come to this page,*make a a digital footprint*, but yeah! it feels good like the prairies dancing with their light lit in a summer night with the cold breeze on :-) Isn't it the best feeling? So it is for me: to write. So even though I will not make sense the 100th time, I will try the 101th time- I have also come to the agreement with myself that English is my second language. Maybe my first language is not great enough for a literary writing but it's good enough to express myself and when it comes to my second- I can do some parts of it-- That that. period.
Two: A sudden realization that I have kept a lot of pain within myself. And so much used to the pains that you have stopped even mentioning it.
That you is "me." My leg hurt so much that even though it would pain, I wouldn't mention much in detail about it to anyone other than my provider and she suggested to use the walking shoes after my feet didn't get any better in almost a two months time. And I was living in pain all this time. When I was walking today, apart from the heaviness of the shoes which made it uncomfortable to walk, my paining toes where so much in rest. You know that feeling when you feel just nice and the pain ceases for that moment- that happened for me.
The long walk back home from Student health services was a bliss to me. And I felt so good.. I feel good writing about it as well.
Metta!