लाग्छ कहिले काहिँ पछारि दिम सारा बाधा र अड्चन
तर अह, लाग्छ यिनीहरु नै त छन् जसले कहिल्यै साथ् छोड्दैनन
अरु त सबै फगत नै हो नि जीवन।
एवमस्तु !!
Thursday, December 02, 2021
Thursday, November 04, 2021
That feeling called sadness!
You know that feeling when you are sad and scared, and you feel like you can't do it anymore, and you have already told yourself "you are not enough," and you make mistakes every time you do things, and you even do not make any sense writing in English, and you are just so rough.
Those are some days when you feel so low (I need the sad face smiley) that all you feel like is crying. Crying out loud. Listening to some crying songs and crying some more. Maybe I am missing home, and mom and Aama and Buwa, and Rash and Hey and Hittu and Suman and everything and everyone.
I have not slept throughout this night, and I don't feel even sleepy. Maybe I am overwhelmed with thoughts, Aarvik's birthday, festivals, missing home, loads of assignments, and not catching up with many things. I try to convince myself maybe graduate life is all filled with these highs and lows.
Metta!
Sunday, September 19, 2021
A talk to self!
Why do we hold so much anger within us/ Why do we hold so much fear? And why do we contain so much jargon that all it creates is a harsh environment around us?
Some days I think maybe we are channeled to be fearful/unhappy because of the unhappiness we grew up with? That what we love is unhappiness. And then I ask myself again, why do we carry a small part (in portions) of our lives with ourselves for so long that all we have forever for our life is that portion and live the remaining part of our life in the name of living life with the corpses of our long left life back. Why?? Oh why??
I somehow have the answer, and some days do not have. And that's okay too, right :-)
Metta!
Monday, August 30, 2021
Drained!
America drains you, drains you to bits at times.
And then I realize as a woman, I have always lived a drained life even though I have been trying to be the strongest one. Strongest one--in telling what I want, what I need, and where my aspirations are. Still weak-- still being hesitant to say so many things and just shutting myself down. That's easy, I guess, rather than draining. But yet you drain!
Metta!
Tuesday, June 01, 2021
Some hey days!
Have you ever felt like dragging things? Like you are the one always trying to be in touch. Trying to connect or something. Maybe the others don't want-- but yeah! you push hard. Broke my heart, many times. But then I have moved feeling hadn't I feel good if someone wished me on/for something? Wouldn't it feel good to be remebered and cared and loved? Life's about that right? But naah! it's not like that. It doesn't matter. Doesn't at all.
Metta!
Sunday, May 16, 2021
She-My friend (The series never ends)!
Have you met someone and felt the meet was not enough? Not even close to enough and you just want that time when you can stay quiet for a long, long time and just listen and listen and listen or just blabber something that doesn't make any sense or just talk or anything but just be with them and meet for longgggg, longer than longgggg could be.
Yeah! I miss that kind of meet. That meet that makes you feel "Oh! we met "manbharera"!" Maybe sometime soon!
Metta!
Sunday, May 09, 2021
To Learn and to Unlearn (What does it take?)
It's interesting and really a feel good thing to see people complimenting others in this place and others responding the same way too. It's really a virtue to do so. Really a virtue!! And I realize the lack of complimenting others in us. Many people among us have a hard time in doing so. Else why can we not compliment? Why do we tend to be so "tough" with words? Why is it so tough to say some good words? And if we are complimenting it's never whole-hearted, but some say just for the sake of saying? Why?? What does it take for us to compliment others and while getting some compliments- to compliment back. Is it just the lack of learning?? Because we never learnt so! Because we never knew the other person is as beautiful, is as amazing and they know a lot more things than us and we are not only the ones. Or is it because while growing up we have always been thought "mediocre" or "useless" or some such sorts that all we know is to see the shortcomings in the other even while they have immense goodness in them.
If we learnt this way, why can we not "unlearn" some wrong in us. Or we never feel/know it's wrong anyways because we always grew up this way.
One of those days I want to word my thoughts. Those #Crude thoughts.
More to say but well, until next time.
Metta!
Friday, May 07, 2021
Flying thoughts!
(7 May 2021, 6:45 AM. We are shifting to a new place and my sleep just went off. I took a nap for like 1 or 1 and half hours maybe while making Aarvik sleep and that’s it. I wanted to write something since long so just having the hot lemon and scribbling. Chantal will be here in sometime and our day will kick off with more work 😆)
After leaving a certain age, after knowing yourself for certain time, maybe we as humans should come to that realization that we know ourselves. We shouldn’t try to create a false imagery of ourselves with us. If we are still doing so, let’s come face to face with ourselves and decide and move on. That should be healthy and that should let you be at peace as well.
I get angry in small things sometimes, sometimes don’t care. But the way I get angry at petty stuffs and where I shouldn’t have stressed myself I keep coming to a realization that there’s a lot anger submerged inside me and that comes out time and often in wrong ways. I realize that I have taken a lot bullshit of people and I have been the tolerant one that much that all I have left with me is anger, Anger towards all of them who did wrong to me and maybe time and often that anger oozes in different forms. I am still in that phase where I cannot forgive and forget. I can’t do. My silence has been interpreted in wrong ways. Somebody’s nature is not their weakness but well people took it so. So yeah! My anger will need some time to rest maybe.
Just that I don’t want this anger to be taken along somewhere far. Let it flow and go!!
Tuesday, March 09, 2021
This feeling-2
It doesn't matter. I tell you, it doesn't matter at all.
Metta!
Thursday, March 04, 2021
This feeling!
This feeling called Sadness, maybe not every sadness can be explained.
Metta!
Sunday, February 21, 2021
The Awesomest One (She-My friend)
Have you ever longed for any words as much as I would do from her? My obsession to her words are like that. I check her "write-place" at least once a day and mostly more every day. Maybe nothing satisfies me more than reading some words and if it comes from her, they are the only thing I want to read. But recently, I don't read her much, maybe she's reading more currently. And till she writes again, I will wait for her words.
Hey! BTW, I bet no one is as good as in describing something as she does, no one in the world is as intelligent as her, and none in the world has her personality. Let me just talk about her and noone can describe about her like me maybe...haha... But well! I would not ever have said even a fraction of what she is because she's just so awesome that words sometime might not do the justice. She's the best and she IS. Please don't forget to meet her in this lifetime. It's a wonderful opportunity for you, that she exists at the same time you do.
She-My friend, the awesomest one, one could ever meet!
Metta !
Monday, February 08, 2021
Monday, February 08, 2021
By Eureka
In: #Life #EverydayLife, Apps, Clubhouse, Ramblings, Segregation
No comments
By Eureka
In: #Life #EverydayLife, Apps, Clubhouse, Ramblings, Segregation
No comments
Divide and Rule!
The world was always divisive. Divisive based on thoughts, scenarios, whereabouts and everything. Divide and rule was the mantra earlier and so is it now.
We can also see division based on the gadgets we use. Long narrative short, I had heard about an app called "clubhouse" from sometime and just researching about it let me know that it is only available for "iPhone users" that too based on the invite send by others.
World is crazy and we are crazily thriving!
#MyTwoCents
Metta!
Sunday, February 07, 2021
Sondering again!
Isn't it a weird world where we are just trying to prove ourselves? Prove we are better than the others. Prove "I" think different than the others do, "I" think something someone has never thought or do someone has never done. I am as unique as I could be. I love the ones around me the most or I do my love in the most loving way.
Everything that "I", "Me" and "My" contains. And there's nothing beyond or above that. Some days I try to counsel myself thinking this is how the world works and maybe this is how it should work. Other days I get into this "sonderous" moment where I see myself one among those who is trying attempting to be one of those "specials"? or "non-specials"? Someday my story looks very important and some other days it's the same story of the 90% of the people I know. Because we somehow lived the same life- being a woman, being poor/underprivileged or bound with the family bounding or simply say it we were "Caged." There's not a thing that's new and many days it's this kind of thought that "I" am just nothing into this vast world.
 |
| Some existences! |
Until some new beginnings!
Metta!
Image: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/f6/1e/c0/f61ec06c7e3802c8827695fb63c1f81b.jpg
Day 2
Yeah! I was regular with the yoga: Day 2
And so many things to say in between as mind chatters all the time.
Until then!
Metta!
Friday, February 05, 2021
Pains and Therapy
After a lots of pain last summer I decided to go to the physiotherapist. Doing physiotherapy was like magic happening every other time to my body as my pains would go away as I would do a new move every time. Gail was very helpful.
The last time I met my physiotherapist she left me with some videos to try on my own. And today I tried the first one from Adriene's collection https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7AYKMP6rOE
Yoga feels good right? It did feel good and I hope I continue doing it.
More later!
PS: I hope my distractions will be fruitful...hey you! Thank you :-) You are my everything!
Like Adams sings
When my hope is lost
And my strength is gone
I run to you and you alone
When I can't get up and I can't go on
I run to you and you alone
'Cause you're my light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart
Metta!!
Sunday, January 24, 2021
Ramblings!
Many days, it's a struggle trying proving your point. Proving your point so as to make yourself heard. Proving your point to tell "hey! I do think this way and yeah! it should be okay to feel this way too?!" Don't always put a baggage of blaming on me. I am effed most of the days.
Metta!
Tuesday, January 19, 2021
On writing!
Will I write?
Write that, what grieves me or troubles me or shouts at me?
Will I ever write?
Write that, which is unknown but I want to know,
That, what is never spoken of but howls at its own.
Will I ever write?
Metta!