Does the title do justice to what I will be writing? (a thought that came over, which I always defy and move on).
What is your defining moment?
And what are others' defining moments for you?
Does it even matter to have one or the other?
It's very interesting to realize this thing. Many moons back I was in class 9 or 10 maybe when my school decided to give me the "Most Obedient Student" award, I was happy (of course why not! awards make everyone happy) and surprised coz I didn't know that such an award existed. But the overall story is that I was happy. Just then one of my classmate suddenly commented "Ohh! this award doesn't suit you now when you "talk so much," it would have suited you when "you used to be quieter." This say of my friend I think will stay with me forever as it reminds me of the human behavior- of the human way of looking at things and thus thereafter.
I get many comments from my family members about how I am- mostly negative when I interact with them. Sometime they say they have said it in jest, or sometimes they just want to say that, or sometimes...the reasons would be many. But all in all, the negatives come before any positives. And it is a very interesting pattern of how humans interact-- or is it the "traumatized" human interaction? Because most of our life we have been listening to something bad about us in every interaction with our "other family members." For Praising we need to put so much of effort but if we have to say anything negative about anyone- it comes instantaneously.
Most of the time when I try to talk about it, people just start with the say that I am making a fuss out of it or "you always talk like this." Maybe behind my back they do appreciate some of my efforts, but when it comes to be face to face it is very disheartening to see the pattern. It's disheartening to know of my thousands efforts of good (which I have genuinely done), all remains is my some "being human"s bad (which in my all conscience was never bad- I never think ill of anyone- I never do ill to anyone). There's no point of my countless efforts which I do behind the scenes (which nobody sees, which nobody knows of)-- you can't even imagine the vulnerabilities I have been through. The countless points of judgement I have gone through in so many spheres I have been in. There have been good humans always around but there're also humans who never left any stones unturned to make my path difficult, to not let me do what I wanted and also be able to be there for my most dear ones when I so needed to- wanted to.....
Do my stories of vulnerabilities define me?
Metta!