Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Random ramblings !

Even the day was sunny, there's nothing much brightness around to look forward to.

Hopefully, things work. I cross my fingers. I pray! Hope almighty listen. Hope

Metta !

Some days !

Meanwhile, I do not see any good way to move ahead. I am in between the clueless clouds.

Please get the clouds over and take them away! Please.

Metta !!

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Drained to bits !!

It's pretty weird, very very weird in fact when she tells me "you should be sad for the unknown saddening that might approach your life"

"Why are you so happy?" "Anything can happen anytime. Nothing is sure."

The message comes to me as "Cry over what has not come to you, but you never know can come. Not every person has a good life like you and you should be *pretty sad* because you have a good life which can alter any time. Don't be happy," that is her message many times. And I wonder why is this that this world and its people are left with the fondness for sadism. I try to make her understand to be happy, yet I am left back being tagged as the stubborn one because I advocate for positivism and say "why do you always start with a NO".

It's pretty draining Suman. It is very draining.

I fight with the world Suman, but not always.....this drains me to infinity.
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*
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Or maybe this is what her life has been all throughout and she cannot think beyond it, even if she tries, even if she tried. And then ends up bringing the river of tears in her eyes because this was what happened to her whole her life. Whenever she assumed things would set back on track, suddenly some unwanted happening popped up leaving her with tears. Having lived 50 years of life as such, maybe she has left her hopes, her happiness somewhere in between and maybe I try to bring back some hope for her.

In her haplessness, she tried being bold seeing how she has seen the world as always. Maybe someday this change. Maybe someday.

I wait for the day!

Metta!!


Saturday, September 28, 2019

Days!

It's exhilarating mostly, having to fight with self and the whole world and still remain empty!!

Metta !

Tuesday, August 20, 2019

Times !!

It's a roar inside and the outside is calm. Such a tranquil stage to be in !!

Let the time pass and things settle down.

Metta !
(It's 4:33 AM on 21st August, 2019)

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Turtles all the way down- A review!

This is my third read by John Green and all three reads have captured young adults in the storyline. Aza Holmes is the protagonist in this novel who suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder and severe anxiety. She has a tough time dealing with it and takes regular counseling from her psychologist. She cannot control the feeling that anything that happens to her will lead her to be affected by Clostridium difficile (C. diff ) and eventually she will die. From small sore to big accident, each incident increases her anxiety some more. Such Aza has a carefree mate Daisy who is a writer herself and blogs on star-war fiction stories. The two friends are very close and there's nothing that's hidden between them. One day Daisy shares about Russel Pickett the great businessman being lost and convinces Aza to look for Mr. Pickett so as to earn the reward under his name. Daisy knows of David Pickett who is Mr. Pickett's son and she believes is Aza's childhood crush too. Aza goes to meet David and here starts a new journey of investigation while love springs. The Pickett empire is filled with mystery which Aza tries to unfold and every fold brings a new story. A new turn in the story comes when the girls know of the reptile tuatara to whom Mr. Pickett has left all his fortune to. The story ends in an unusual turn.

Turtles all the Way Down

Teenage love, mystery, lost parents, future hopes and the upcoming unknowns-the book has tried to incorporate all. Good thing about this book is it flows smoothly. You sit down to make a read and you can just keep reading and not feel bored. This is one typical John Green type novel. I like the read, the characters and the different circumstances they are in one can totally relate.

I give a 3*** for the flow in the read.

Find the review also at GoodReads :-)

Happy Reading
Metta!!

Monday, January 28, 2019

Today !!

Some days you feel bad. Bad realizing that you were never a part.

Metta !!

Thursday, December 27, 2018

The Legend of Lakshmi Prasad: A Review!


The book :-)! PC: @KanchanOjha
After Pyjamas are Forgiving and Matilda , The Legend of Lakshmi Prasad stands to be the third book I finish this year. Thanks to @TwinkleKhanna who binds with her writes. A continuous three hours of sitting and the book was done. This is what I like about the book;

The Legend of Lakshmi Prasad is a compilation of four different stories from India. There's disparity in all the four stories, with an only similarity that each story ends with a strong message. 

The first story starts with "The Legend of Lakshmi Prasad." This is the story of the vibrant Lakshmi Prasad-a girl who changed the view of the village at how they perceived girls. The metamorphosis of a girl child from burden to celebration is the limelight of the story. The spotlight for me remains the ritual of planting trees under girls name.

Second story is of sixty-eight-year-old Noni Appa in "Salaam Noni Appa" where the author portrays elderly life. The difficulties and challenges of elderly life is versed well in the story. The complications of relations and what matters to us at the end adds to the flavor. 

Independent Elisa in "If the Weather Permits" holds the burden of the societal norms as the keepsake. There's a tussle between absurd norms and a glee life-where Elisa fights for her covets, failing each time. 

Finally Bablu Kewat plays "The Sanitary Man from a Sacred Land". He fights for giving women a hygienic and comfortable life by introducing cheap sanitary pads to the poorest of females. Amidst this fight he was left alone, ostracized and abandoned by family and peers. Yet with a narrow escape he conquered. A story of self-defiance, struggle and victory also based on the true story of Arunachalam Murunganantham.

From fluttering in the paddy fields to driving a dented white fiat and from becoming a carefree young one to an ambitious one, the author binds you to her write with a great visual detail. I give a 3.5 ***  

Happy Reading :-)!

Also find the review @GoodReads

Metta !!

Friday, December 21, 2018

Mighty Matilda !

Dear Matilda :-* PC: @kanchanojha
The love for books never ceases and when Suman gave me to read the book "Matilda" by @roalddahl my ecstasy soared high. But like I stated in my earlier blog my reading habit has slowed down a lot. So, like always I started reading, loved the read but it remained halfway through. Today as I finish reading couldn't help writing a brisk review. Here's my take:

Matilda; the lead character is a five year old girl. She is a mesmerizing little girl with an appetite for reading. She reads book from Tolstoy to Shakespeare when kids of her age have hardly learnt words. Her mother and father, Mr. and Mrs Wormwood; however are shrewish and detest their own daughter. They least bother about her inborn talents too. 

As the story moves forward it takes you to the voyage of your childhood fantasies and the pictorial illustrations make it more profound. The story revolves around the shrewish parents, village, the library, school, different kind of friends a lovely teacher and a wrathful headmistress. Miss Honey plays the part of the lovely teacher, who is a pleasant and hardworking person. Miss Trunchbull, the headmistress is a shrewish woman. She is loud and wrathful throughout and never misses to bark on the small kids. With divergent group of people and unavoidable circumstances Matilda acts as a hero with aberrant power. The book has unexpected twists and turns, binds you till the end and winds-up on a happy note. I give a 4****

Happy reading :-)!

Find the review also at @Goodreads

Metta !!

Monday, December 10, 2018

Thoughts and Notes: Pyjamas are Forgiving !!

Before I write the review let me just vent off my feelings at this moment. Once being an ardent reader and then not being able to concentrate on books, it was a U-turn for me. It hurt me most of the times leaving me back imagining- what happened? why am I not being able to complete the books which I always did. Book, my best friends-why are they so far from me? I always picked up one and would end up half way. I still have many books piled up.

Even with this uncaring for book, the best place for me is library and book shops. Solace, I would find in touching the books, talking to the books, turning them pages over pages. My excuses for not reading started with my pregnancy, where I couldn't concentrate properly and later I said the baby. However, during my pregnancy I read Sachin and Hillary skimming through the pages. The skimming continued till late.

Few more books have added in our library after I reached to the bookshop, this June as I could leave the lil one for a longer time. But still the story remain unchanged. Last Friday (7 Dec, 2018) bookshop called me again, as there had to be new addition in the lil ones library and I wanted some books at our end too. With the Doggie and Aladdin book for babu, along came "Pyjamas are Forgiving" by @mrsfunnybones. And it did cease the dry-spell of reads. Here's a swift review for the book;
PC: @KanchanOjha ;-)!
Anshu, who after her divorce has been running a playschool comes to Shanthmaaya twice every year. Fighting with her insomnia and her fallen apart love, she tries hard to overcome with unpleasantness and live a good life. The twist in the story comes in at the point as her regular refuge to Shanthmaaya is strangled by the presence of her ex-husband Jay and his wife Shalini. The story traverses between ripples created by the presence of these two in the calm life of Anshu. There are more characters Jenna, Dr. Mennon, Dr.Pillai, Vivaan, Lalit, Javed, Anil who are all interestingly embedded in the plot. The writer has done justice with all the details and connected the dots so well whether she brings in Mandira, the protagonist's sister or her mother. Twinkle Khanna uses words very artistically and even the sentences are heartfelt, whether she talks of love or maim. At one occasion she writes something like "who can explain why one person becomes more important than the many we meet in our lifetime? I only know I still feel the same way about him that people feel when they bring Ganpati to their house.' At the other she says "Blame is a bullet that the world fires at an already wounded victim.' There are more interesting Mrs funnybones usual sarcasms without which the story would remain dull.

Pyjamas are Forgiving travels to Kerala and to and fro to many other places as Anshu the protagonist travels. I love the details of places as our mind travels along with them. What I find missing in the novel is a concrete ending to the story, unless the writer plans for a sequel. I give a 3.5 ***

Find the Review also at GoodReads :-)!

Happy Reading
Metta !!


Thursday, December 06, 2018

Days !!

Not every thing you think is always true, not every thing you act up-works out to be the best. It's just that you try. Amidst trying though a large part of you vanishes in between but nevertheless you try. You try to preach. You try to tell things in a better way and you try being a better person. But somewhere, sometime you loose a large part of you in doing so.
You fight and then reach nowhere. That's exacerbating a condition. Such Banal days!

Metta !!


Friday, November 23, 2018

Diary of a Mom

Dear reader,

Are you a wo/man? Married? Pregnant?! Maybe you would concur to at least one of these. And if you do maybe you can somewhere feel my story.

My present designation Mother of a 12 months and 20 days young.

A year back, when I was pregnant many people would come up asking about the gender of the baby in the womb. “What are you having? Son or a daughter?” common question for a would-be-mom going through wearisome morning sickness and dreary emotional flings. Followed by the blessings
“we wish you have a son.”
“Though anything can happen, but how can wish be made for a daughter,”
Wishing for a daughter was curse for the pregnant one, the unspoken words spoke. These blissful wishes mostly came from girls/women/daughters/wives and mothers. There were also consolatory messages for having a daughter “having a son or a daughter is the same, even a daughter is no less than a son”. An infallible consolation! And how much I have loathed all these words and yet now when I am writing it, I feel worse.

Sunday, September 16, 2018

कोठा नं. ५

आर्जितलाई आज बिहानैदेखि नै छटपटी भइरहेको थियो । यो एक घन्टामा कति गिलास पानी भ्याइसक्यो, हिसाबकिताब नै छैन । छिनछिनमा फोन हेथ्र्यो, अस्पतालको ग्यालरीमा खै के चहार्दै हिड्थ्यो । र छिनछिनमा उसका आँखा त्यही कोठा नं. ५ मा गएर अड्किन्थे ।

समितालाई त्यस कोठाभित्र लगेको त एक घन्टा मात्रै भएको थियो । तर, उसलाई लाग्थ्यो जुनी नै बितिसक्यो कि । हस्याङफस्याङ गर्दै नर्सहरू यताउता गरेको हेथ्र्यो । बस टोलाउँथ्यो । सोध्न खोज्थ्यो । के भयो भन्न खोज्थ्यो । तर, नर्सहरूले ‘सर, हजुर बाहिर बस्दै गर्नुस्’ भनेर टारी दिन्थे ।
केही मिनेटको अन्तरालमा नर्सले भित्रैबाट औषधिको लिस्ट थमाइदिन्थिन् । अनि, ऊ फार्मेसीबाहिर औषधि लिने लामो लाममा पालो कुथ्र्यो । र, चिटचिट पसिना बगाउँदै औषधि बोकेर उही कोठा नं. ५ तर्फ दगुथ्र्यो । यसरी पर्खिंदापर्खिंदै, दगुर्दादगुर्दै दुई, तीन, चार घन्टा व्यतित भए ।

अँध्यारो नि भैसकेछ । समितालाई अप्रेसन थिएटरभित्र लगेको १२औँं घन्टामा बल्ल नर्सले बाहिर निस्केर भनिन्, ‘हजुरहरूलाई बधाई छ, पेसियन्ट खतराभन्दा बाहिर हुनुहुन्छ । अब अत्तालिनुपर्दैन ।’ आर्जितको रोकिइसकेको मुटु बल्ल धड्किएजस्तो भयो ।

‘समितालाई हेर्न सकिन्छ ?’ उसले अप्ठ्यारोे मानेरै सोध्यो । नर्सले फेरि रोक्छिन् कि भन्ने डरले उसलाई सार्है गाह्रो भएको थियोे । ‘एकैछिनमा वहाँलाई पस्ट–अपमा ल्याउँछौँ । अनि, तपाईंले भेट्न पाइहाल्नुहुन्छ नि ।’ निन्याउरो भइरहेको आर्जित झन्डै खुसीले उफ्रिएन ।

आफ्नी प्रियलाई यति गाह्रो पछि हेर्न पाउने खुसीले मात्रै उसलाई फुरुंग बना’को थियो । ‘समितालाई होस् त आएको छैन होला तर, मलाई देखेपछि उसलाई यत्तिकै सन्चो भइहाल्छ’ आर्जितले मनमनै सोच्यो । त्यसमा विश्वस्त नै थियो । सोच्दा सोच्दै अलिकति रोमाञ्चित पनि भयो ।

००००

‘ओइ आर्जित, तिमीलाई देखेर त म आजित नै भइसकेँ । कतिचोटी भन्नु के मेरो एनाटोमीको किताब ल्याइदेऊ । भोलि मेरो नि टेस्ट छ, होइन !’ आर्जितको मुखमा रोटी कोचार्दै समिताले कराइन् । उनी आर्जितलाई आजित भन्थिन् । ऊ फिस्स हाँस्दै रोटी चपाइरह्यो । केही बोलेन । दुवैजना टिचिङ हस्पिटलको जर्नल वार्डबाट भरखर फर्किएका थिए, क्यान्टिनमा ।

सिनिअर डा.तीर्थसँगको १० बजेको राउन्डमा भर्ना भएका पेसिएन्टहरूको किड्नीको हिस्ट्रीबारे टिपोट गरेका थिए, दुवैले । ११ बजेदेखि कक्षा सुरु हुन्थ्यो । र, यहीबीच समय मिलाएर खाना नि खानुपथ्र्यो । आर्जित केही नबोलेपछि समिताको पारो झन तात्यो ।

आफ्नो रिस पोखेर क्यान्टिनबाट निस्किइन्, खाना नि नखाएरै । आर्जितले फेरि आज किताब ल्याउन बिर्सिएको थियो । सामिता हिँडेपछि उसले पनि अर्को गास मुखमा हालेन । लुखुरलुखुर उनकै पछिपछि हिँड्यो ।

डा.तीर्थ ग्यालरीतिर आएको देखेपछि आर्जितको एकाग्रता भंग भयो । पुरानो दृश्य त्यसै ओझेल प¥यो । दुवै हातले आँखा मिचमाच गरेर कपाल मिलायो । डा.तीर्थ नजिकै पुग्दा खुसीका आँसु झन्डै झरेनन् । डाक्टरको खुट्टा नै ढोग्यो । ‘लौ, के गरेको बाबु तिमीले ?’ डा.तीर्थले अलि पछाडि सर्दै भन्यो ।

‘डाक्टर भगवान हो भन्थे, हजुर त्यसै भएर आउनुभयो, आज । हजुर नभएको भए अहिलेसम्म के भइसक्थ्यो । म कल्पना नि गर्न सक्दिन्’ धेरै बेरदेखि रोकेको आँसु खोलाको बाँध फुटेजसरी फुट्यो र भरर झ-यो ।

‘पिर गर्नुपर्दैन, आर्जित । समिता अहिले खतराभन्दा बाहिर छिन् । समितालाई यस्तो रेअर किसिमको किड्नी डिजिज लाग्ला भनेर कसले सोचेको थ्यो होला र ! ह्वेन आई कन्सल्टेड विथ माई प्रोफेसर्स फ्रम द हावर्ड मेडिकल स्कुल दे वेअर सक्ड लाइक एनिथिङ टू । सी ह्याज अ रेअर जेनेटिक डिस्अर्डर अफ द किड्नी ह्विच इज हार्ड्ली क्युरेबल ।’

००००

‘हामी कहिले बिहे गर्ने भयौँ, समिता ?’ आर्जितले कोकको चुस्की लिँदै सोध्यो । पसिनाले निथ्रुक्क भएकी समिता केही नबोली घटघट कोक पिउन थालिन् । बोत्तल रित्तिनै लाग्दा बल्ल लामो सास फेरिन् । ‘तिमी मलाई हरेक कुरामा कति आजित पारिराख्छौ के आर्जित ? गरम्ला नि बिस्तारै । टेक अ चिलपिल म्यान’ समिता फुसफुसाइन् ।

उनी आर्जितलाई आजित भन्थिन् । र, उसलाई आजित बनाउन पनि कुनै कसर बाँकी छोड्थिनन् । ‘भोलि हाम्रो ग्राजुएसन डे । वी गोटा डिसाइड नाउ समिता । आई ह्याभ अ ह्युज फेम्ली प्रेसर । आई कान्ट स्टेन्ड वियोन्ड दिस एन्ड मोस्ट इम्पोटेन्टली, आई लभ यु’ आर्जितले एकै सासमा सबै कुरा ओकल्यो । तर, समिता टस न मस भइन् । चुपचाप कोकको बोतल मुखमा लगाइन् । र, त्यो कोकाको अन्तिम बुँद नि भ्याइन् । आर्जित एकहोरो हेरिरह्यो ।

यतिवेला पनि आर्जितले बोल्न खोज्यो । तर, बोल्न सकेन । एकहोरो समितालाई नियाली रह्यो । पस्ट–अप रुमको बेडमा सुतिरहेकी समितालाई देख्नासाथ नै आर्जितको मुटुले ढुकढुक गर्न छोडेको थियो । अस्पताल आएदेखि यो हजारौँपटक थियो होला, आर्जितलाई मुटुले साथ नदिएको । पस्ट–अपमा नल्याउँदासम्म नदेखेर उसको मन कमजोर भएको थियो, अहिले हरेकपटक देख्दा अझ बढी कमजोर हुँदैथ्नयो ।

आर्जितले घडी हे-यो । समितालाई होश आउने वेला भइसकेको थियो । ‘कुनै वेला नि उठिछिन् होला’ भन्ने सोचेर कुरी राखेको थियो । त्यसै वेला कोही आएको जस्तो पदचाप सुन्यो । पछाडि फर्केर हेर्दा डा.तीर्थ रहेछन् । डा.तीर्थकी पनि त प्रिय विद्यार्थी बनिरहिन्, समिता, सधैँ । पढाइ मात्रै होइन, हरेक चिजमा अब्बल, मृदुभाषी र साह्रै ज्ञानी जो थिइन् ।

‘सर, मैले हाम्रो देशमा रहेका विभिन्न रोगसँग लड्नलाई नै डाक्टरी पढेकी हुँ । हजुरले मलाई राम्रोसँग पढ्न जहिल्यै सहयोग गर्नुपर्छ है’, एमबिबिएस पढ्न भर्खर सुरु गरेकी एउटी फुच्चीको यस्तो कुरा सुन्दा दंग परेका थिए, डा.तीर्थ ।

त्यसपछि एमडी आफ्नै सुपरभिजनमा गराएर किड्नी विशेषज्ञ बनाउन कुनै कमी राखेका थिएनन् पनि । विधिको विडम्बना नि कस्तो ! त्यही समिता अरूको किड्नीको उपचार गर्दागर्दै किड्नीको नै असाध्यै ठूलो रोगबाट पीडित बनिन् । पीडित पनि यति कि अहिले उनको जीवन नै दोसाँधमा छ ।

००००

बिहेको पर्सिपल्ट नै हस्पिटलको डिउटी भ्याउन तयार भएका थिए, आर्जित र समिता । बिहेमा आएका पाहुना आमाको जिम्मा लगाएर बिहानै निस्केका थिए । त्यसयताका दिन, महिना र वर्ष कसरी बिते पत्तै पाएनन्, उनीहरूले । यति व्यस्त थिए कि घरबाट आउँदा र राति फर्किंदासम्मको दिनचर्याका बारेमा ब्रेकफास्ट टेबुलमै छलफल गर्थे । दुवैजना आफ्नो विशेषज्ञताले ख्याति कमाइरहेका थिए ।

काठमाडौँ मेडिकल कलेजको नेफ्रोलोजी विभागको जिम्मा हालसाल नै समिताले पाएकी थिइन् । र, इन्डोक्राइनोलोजी विभागको हेड त आर्जित अलि अगाडि नै भइसकेको थियो । व्यस्तता दिनदिनै बढ्दै थियो र बढ्ने क्रममा थिए, सुनौला सपना ।जुन प्रेमिल जोडीले देखेका थिए, सँगै कलेज पढ्दादेखि नै ।

एक दिन घर फर्किंदै गर्दा कुन्नी के सोचेर हो, समिता बोलिन्, ‘मलाई तीर्थ सरजस्तै बन्नु छ, आजित । एकदमै फ्ललेस ।’ आर्जित चुपचाप हेरि मात्रै रह्यो । केही बोलेन । फेरि बडो अनुग्रह गर्दै समिताले सोधिन्, ‘डू यू थिन्क आई क्यान बी लाइक द्याट ?’

पुलुक्क समितालाई फर्केर हे¥यो । र, काँधमा चिउँडो अड्याएर कानेखुसी शैलीमा बोल्यो, ‘यू आर द बेस्ट स्विटहर्ट एन्ड यू विल बी द बेस्ट अल्वेज ।’अहिले पस्ट–अप बेडमा समिता अक्सिजन मास्कको सहयोगमा पूरै शरीर हल्लिने गरी सास फेर्दै थिइन् ।

दाहिने छेउमा उनै डा.तीर्थ थिए, चुपचाप । बायाँतिर आर्जित । समिताको अनुहार दायाँतिर ढल्किएको थियो । समिताले बिस्तारै आँखा खोलिन् । डा.तीर्थको अनुहार खुसीले उज्यालियो । बिस्तारै बायाँतिर टाउको घुमाइन् । पुलुक्क आर्जितलाई हेरिन् । ऊ पनि मुस्कुरायो । र, क्यानुला रोपिएको हातमा बिस्तारै थपथपायो । समिताले डा.तीर्थतिर टाउको घुमाइन् ।

र, यतिवेला आर्जितलाई समिताले उही प्रश्न सोधेजस्तो लाग्यो, ‘डू यू थिन्क आई क्यान बी लाइक द्याट ?’आर्जितको बोलि फुटेन । तुरुक्क आँशु चुहिए ।

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प्रकाशित : http://www.nayapatrikadaily.com/2018/07/07/69291/
मिति : २३ असार २०७५ 


Saturday, September 08, 2018

Buwa !!

From all the book talks
to all the spiritual talks
to all the societal talks
to all the worldly talks
to all the history talks
to all the political talks
to every other talk,
Buwa,
you were my answer-to everything.

Today,
when I need my answers and seek for you
when I need love
and when I need you
you are nor here,
not even there
you are absolutely found nowhere.

Buwa,
Nobody is anywhere near to where you are
Just that, you are way too far.

#Metta