Happy Days: Aarvik's Days

Nov 3, 2017: Aarvik was born after 37 weeks and 6 days of our pregnancy.

Dec 9, 2020: Aarvik is 37 months and 6 days into his journey of this life.

Happy born day and the days thereafter Aarvik. You are always loved <3

It’s wonderful to realize how time flew from days to weeks to months and years. And it’s been a wonderful journey with Aarvik. As parents both me and Ankit get excited all the times, while also getting tired, overwhelmed and annoyed at some other times. The journey has been so full of emotions and every other new thing. This is phenomenal. Just yesterday he found some chocolate from my bag and suddenly said “C for CHOCOLATE” as he wanted to have one. We were like “Wait! What?” and smiled over. There are such random, unexpected while amazing moments that keeps happening around always and I wholeheartedly wish if we could capture everything that Aarvik does with a 24 hours video surveillance wherever we are. These uncountable moments where he would do something new, say something cuter and leave us smiling and I wish duh! It should have been captured-just to relive these moments again later.

Life is certainly more beautiful with his presence, with his childness, with his contagious happiness 😊! But there are also times when I would be like okay it’s enough! Mostly at times when I am working on something and he would need me continuously. It’s a different kind of struggle between the need of the baby and my own needs. (He waited for me till past 11 PM even yesterday and did not sleep until I got with him in bed). These are the reminders to myself that such happenings are gonna go long and I have to manage my life and time within these.

On a side note, his birth and the time thereafter reminds me of the relationships that have grown around me. Looking back at my life with Aarvik, makes me feel different. As different things changed in between. My thoughts changed, my worldview changed and also changed the people around me. My faith and belief on certain people kept on strengthening some more, while on some kept loosening. It was interesting for me as well to see my thought scenario changing. There are people and relations that has strengthened over time in these 37 months 6 days + 37 weeks 6 days, while others have just faded. And I am left with no energy to keep up with everything. This is one of those realizations. Flow with the flow. Care less. Love more- to whom it matters.

Metta!

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Days !!

Not every thing you think is always true, not every thing you act up-works out to be the best. It's just that you try. Amidst trying though a large part of you vanishes in between but nevertheless you try. You try to preach. You try to tell things in a better way and you try being a better person. But somewhere, sometime you loose a large part of you in doing so.
You fight and then reach nowhere. That's exacerbating a condition. Such Banal days!

Metta !!

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Aftermath of love !

If love was it,

she thought-
she won't be able to love again. 

Coz,

all the loves got drained-
in loving the lovable one.

The lovable one,

whose presence made her love-
everyone some more. 

Still love,

peaked the more-
gave her the strength. 

That strength,

which showed her the path-
let her intact.

Intactness,
which made her pious-
let her flee from the edge.

Though,

love was never hers-
she loved love some more.

Metta !!

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प्रिय धरहरा !

प्रिय धरहरा,

तिमीलाई देखे 

गलेको 

ढलेको 

निढाल 

अस्तित्व-विहिन 

कहिले नउठ्ने गरि 

सुतेको। 

त्यसरी देख्दा,

मन थामेको  

बाँध फुट्यो 

चित्त फाट्यो 

सुस्केरा छुट्यो 

हाँसो हरायो 

आखाँ रोयो 

आशु बग्यो। 

मनलाई संभाले 

हेरे फर्की एता उता 

फेरी देखे 

तिमी माथि चिल कौवा सरि 

झुन्डिएका ती 

मनुष्यका हुल 

तिमीलाई खोपि रहेका 

नोचि रहेका। 

प्रिय धरहरा, 

यस्तो एक्लो 

त्यसरि बर्सौ वर्ष 

ठाडिदा नि

कहिल्यै भएको थिएनौ त तिमी 

जसरि ढल्दा 

तिमि एक्लियौ 

निस्सासियौ 

र फेरी विस्मृति मा विलिन हुन पुग्यौं।। 

इति !!

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The waitings!

I waited
all those moments
just to see that smile
and the smile
just vanished
in a fraction of while

The waits I made
were worth of it
though it last not long
those were my feels
in the momentarily bliss
had it been no wrong

Some more thoughts
just flung along
as flipped the time hereby
I waited again
to feel those moments
and just bid a goodbye!

Metta !!

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I-unleash

I-digged

the thoughts

the murmurs

the mumblings

I-scratched

the thumbs

the throws

the pins

I-colored

those dreams

the desires

and happenings

I-Packed

the bags

with the rags

and rumblings

I-unleashed

the faith

wishes 

and foreseeings !

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Peril of thoughts

I,
speak
and then
quietened

I,
smiled
and then
cried

Smiles,
amidst the sorrows
cries
in the pain

Grief,
in the perils
thoughts
with perks

I,
jot words
thrash them
on the wall

I,
the prescient
me
the narrator

Metta !!
Image courtesy: Deviant Art

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Tits-bits-of life--They continued the story !

Preeya knew I was up for trekking again and she would not be in touch with me for long. May be that was the reason, I witnessed 30 missed calls from her in my phone again. So she was trying hard to talk to me a thought flew over my mind.

I called her back and as soon as she picked up the phone she could not stop herself and started without any formality,"at every point I feel like writing. Writing always gives me solace. There are always as many ideas as could be flying by in my mind that need to rest. I have this weird feeling of being heard always...I always have so many says to say to peoples and I am always filled with ideas. Ahh ! Suman what do I do?"

"Hmm," I said (this was our usual way of listening).

"Sometimes I feel, would I just end up in this wall of writes or sayings? Or will my ideas, my thoughts land up as somewhere concrete?" she quivered. 

I was listening to her quietly while she was speaking in her usual tone.

"Having a bunch of ideas is always a tough thing and I always have been going through this. Life's tough Suman," she added with a long sigh.

I could not help smiling. And she knew that I could exactly depict her feels.

"You know what Preeya every single individual thrives for their individuality, stands to be something different from the other," I started slowly.

"Do you know the word 'sonder'?," I inquired.

"No, what is it?," was her prompt response.

"It is a sudden realization that everyone we see/meet has as complicated and interesting life as ours. So, how much do we really think about other people? Do we have time to do that? Similarly, what makes us think that others have time to think about us and if they really do, how boring and dull their life really is," I replied in a casual tone.

"Hmm....That's interesting," was what she could say.

I was on with the flow,"Also, I have realized that time actually travels so much faster when you live in a different society. Trying to work, finding a place to live/rent, communicating with different people everyday makes our lives so filled with tiny details that we have maneuver our ways through that we think everyday routines are petty."

"But on the other hand, people who have lived in the same place for decades, donot have to interact with different personalities on a daily basis hold on to the same old thoughts. So, usually people who have lived a very stagnant life tend to be more judgmental than the ones on the move."

"So, if you are looking for friendship that you think is neutral and supportive, find people who are always on the move, and who enjoy that kind of adventure. Just saying that if you seek some kind of openness and a good healthy relationship/friendship, careful that you dont seek it from people who have nothing else to do all day rather than edit and post their selfies on facebook. If you find more "interesting" friends, your obsession over one person that you think is so wise and cool will subside because you will know so many people that are wise, smart, generous and cool."

"I am up making friends Suman," Preeya said.

"I dont think you are up making friends- just saying that if you dont have a few friends that you can actually "talk to" and think wont judge you, then maybe you are not making "good friends", or in the right context. No one ever meets people who can fulfill all your needs- emotional, physical, mental, sexual... but lets say someone can meet your emotional needs, but not your mental- they can at least be supportive of your needs."

We were scratching thoughts as much as possible. We both were struggling with the ideas and I just tried to let her flee her thoughts with my says. I felt she could subside some of her thoughts, but still it was a long run. Life as it is.

I called upon her, but may be she had already slept. I could hear her snoring. The burgeoning thoughts might have made her tired, I smiled and let the phone cut off. 

We always have tonnes of thoughts-one residing over the other

Metta !

Image courtesy: @deviantart

Series: Tits-bits-of life-A story

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Tale of the two worlds-II

As soon as she woke up that morning the first thing that came in her mind was him. He, who was her best of friends-yet he, whom she had not heard from ages. She had to go for her routinized morning run but she couldn't help talking out to him before getting on to the daily chores.

She logged into her PC and saw him online. She expected him to call her so waited for sometime. But after his silence for a longer time, she knocked him against the screen which always kept them apart yet always kept them in touch. 

The talk started with casual hi's and hello's and they reached talking about tennis where Federer had recently won a match. Federer was their favorite. After talking for sometime the unusual silence came in between them again. She started feeling uncomfortable and thought of some topics to speak to. 

"What if I write about our story?" she said in a soft sparkling voice

"There's no story of ours for heaven's sake," his voice was suddenly agitated.

"My feels carry the story, be you not bother about it. I will write our story," her voice swayed away. 

There was no response from him. Recently this was the best way he did answer me with, unlike other days where he used to speak so much. He did not speak a word more. Silence creeped in as the fog of the cold winter morning which was awaiting for her outside.

"I move off. Good day," she typed on the screen and walked away. Walked away into the early morning hues to get better and feel better for the rest of her coming life.

Metta !!
So here I start a new series of the story "Tale of the two worlds" after my first take in "Tale of the two worlds"
Image courtesy: Popoks @deviantart

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Expectations !

Sometimes I,

don't have words

And then I

end wordless

And if I,

end wordless
Won't you be,
my world of words

Sometimes I,
crave for things
And then I,
look for you
And if I,
look for you
Won't you then,
come around again

Sometimes I,
miss you loads
And then I,
wish for you
And if I,
wished for you
Won't you then,
be there for me

Sometimes I,
keep on wishing
And then I,
wish you hear
And if I,
wish for you
Won't you then,
listen to me

Sometimes I,
scratch endless words
And then I,
expect some piece of your words
And if I,
expect a piece from you
Won't you then,
do a favor to me

Sometimes I,
mumble a lot
And then I,
wish you hear my mumblings'
And If I,
wish you to hear
Won't you then,
hear and respond

Sometimes I,
keep on waiting
And then I,
wish my waitings end
And if I,
wish my waitings to end
Won't you then,
listen this much at all

Metta !!
Image courtesy: Popoks @deviantart

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October !

I sit at my table and stare at this screen as I start writing something bizarre. To be honest, I don't like *Octobers'*. October for me is like that unsung song which I sometimes feel would not have been sung at all.

A question strikes me time and then, "What would have happened if this month had not existed in the calender of our lives?" Had the happenings that happened in this month had not happened??"

It is said that "होनी को कौन टाल सक्ता हे". For me I still wish had the happenings un-happened.

I have some unwonted wishes and I wish at a point in my life they be fulfilled. One of them is still my wishing for *October* to not come in my life. After every September, I call upon November or any other month but not October.

~Only if wishes were heard~.

Metta !!

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Twitchy

I coined the word and got more twitched.

Metta !!

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उडानको आधार

त्यो दिन हाम्रो भेट भएको पहिलो पटक थियो।

"के जानेकी छ्यौ," उसले सोध्यो।

"शब्दहरु खेलाउन जानेकी छु। यहि नै हो एउटा विशेषता," मैले भनि दिए।

उ एकैछिन मुस्कुरायो। अनि फेरी भन्यो, "शब्द संग  निकै  प्रेम छ जस्तो छ नि.… " उसले अरु केहि भन्नु अघि म फेरी बोल्न पुगें, "शब्द खेति नै हो जसले हामीलाई जोडेको छ , मल-जल पायो भने सम्बन्ध हरहराउँछ नभए येतिकै सुक्दै जान्छ बालक बबुरो। "

उ मुक्त कण्ठले हाँस्यो,"वास्तवमा नै जानेकी छ्यौ तिमीले शब्द खेलाउन।"

एक छिन कोहि केहि बोलेनौ।  ऊ नि सोच्न थालेँ जस्तो गरि बस्यो।  म नि चुप लागेर बसेँ।

"हो यसरि नै आफुलाई उड्न दिईरहनु।  अनन्त आकाश छ, रोक्ने हैन यी शब्द रुपी तिम्रा पखेटाहरुलाई। उड्न देउ, बग्न देउ।"

"रिचार्ड बेकको 'जोनाथन लिविङ्ग्स्टोन सी गल' पढेकी छ्यौ नि ?" उसले अचानक सोध्यो।

"छु," मैले संक्षिप्त उत्तर दिए।

"हो त्यो सी गलले जस्तै आफुलाई परिधिमा नबांधी अनन्त आकाशमा उड्नको लागि छाडी देउ। रमाइलो छ संसार। बस आफुलाई अनन्त उडान प्रदान गर," उ त्यहि लयमा भन्दै गयो।

म चुप लागेर उसको  कुराहरु सुनी रहेकि थिए।  चिया आइसकेको थियो हामी माझ।

त्यो चियाको चुस्की लिई म एकैछिन हराएँकि जस्ति भएँ। टाढा आकाशमा त्यहि सी गल नै उडेको देखेको जस्तो लाग्यो।  अचानक आ-आफै मुस्काउन थालेछु म।  उ अचम्म मानि मलाइ हेरी राखेको थियो।

इति !

चित्र: वेब बाट !

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Sometimes

Sometimes I,
stare at the words
feel them
contemplate 
and smile back

Sometimes I, 
try and listen  
the silence 
and then hear 
the unspeakables

Sometimes I,
try to know
the depths
go to measure
the unmeasurables

And then I,
creep aside
leave abide 
try to endure
the unsufferables

From those lands, I come !

Metta !!

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Amazing world of words !!

Some thoughts were moving around my mind when I felt like to write this blog. Thoughts which were making me think somewhere about expressions via the words….

A thought popped in "What is that-which bind us together, make us feel that we are still connected?".

"Hello, did you get your answer?"

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Tears !

You dripped down,
dripped down
as tears from my eyes...

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Silverbird ~\/~

I was happy,

You were there

I smiled,

You smiled with me

I cried,

You wiped my tears

I played,

You were the best at games

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JOKER: You or Me !

You
were the one smiling always

but no one noticed the woe

behind your smiles

You
told some sad jokes

but though sad

they were "jokes"

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