Dear reader,
Are you a wo/man? Married? Pregnant?! Maybe you would concur to at least one of these. And if you do maybe you can somewhere feel my story.
My present designation Mother of a 12 months and 20 days young.
A year back, when I was pregnant many people would come up asking about the gender of the baby in the womb. “What are you having? Son or a daughter?” common question for a would-be-mom going through wearisome morning sickness and dreary emotional flings. Followed by the blessings
“we wish you have a son.”
“Though anything can happen, but how can wish be made for a daughter,”
Wishing for a daughter was curse for the pregnant one, the unspoken words spoke. These blissful wishes mostly came from girls/women/daughters/wives and mothers. There were also consolatory messages for having a daughter “having a son or a daughter is the same, even a daughter is no less than a son”. An infallible consolation! And how much I have loathed all these words and yet now when I am writing it, I feel worse.
Amidst these chaos of a gendered society was the feeling of being a mom. So on one fine March weekend amidst nausea and severe headache I was there at IOM’s emergency room. After a few tests our pregnancy was confirmed positive. Smiles rolled around us and there started the journey, a sweet one with mixed emotions thereafter. It was happiness and contentment so vivid which at times would make me smile and at other times would let me burst into tears without any reason. A wonderful feeling as it was said, was a roller coaster ride with the heave of morning sickness.
I had heard/read about morning sickness in pregnancy but when it came to me, it drained every bit of me. I was tired almost all the time, I didn’t feel like eating for the fear of vomiting. It was very stressful. It’s a wonder that women survive all these ins and outs for nine months and beyond. Even being in pain, the attachment for the unknown one increase folds obliviously. I knew of it at one of my tests where we had to do the Anamoly scan [For readers, Anamoly scan is done in between 18-22 weeks of pregnancy to check if the baby is growing normally]. It was one of the most dreadful times for me. I had read if the baby's growth is not proper and if any physical deformity is seen in the baby during this scan it was better suggested to be aborted. For weeks I cried in fear, had nightmares what if the result is negative and I might have to leave the part of me somewhere in between. Within 18 weeks I had intensely grown as a mother and growing was the attachment for the kid. I didn’t go for a scan till late and when it was tested in the 22nd week with a positive result, I was in all glee.
Nevertheless, with a wonderful doctor and the cooperative crew my CS was successful and there emerged the little bliss on 3rd of November 2017. Such a serene advent to see him that tears of joy rolled through the corner of my eyes. A moment so pious, so ecstatic, so joyous- I still feel goosebumps. Since then, I have been growing more with the lil one. As a mother more patience and perseverance seems to have developed in me. While, I thought the lil one would take some years to grow up, but not even 6 months. Bit by bit his metamorphosis as an individual started. From the time he started rolling over, walking in his four and asking for things he has his choices. An individual who states NO for a banana or sweets and sleep and YES for pomegranate or apple and ghumoying.
As Khalil Gibran says in “The Prophet”:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
Metta !!
Are you a wo/man? Married? Pregnant?! Maybe you would concur to at least one of these. And if you do maybe you can somewhere feel my story.
My present designation Mother of a 12 months and 20 days young.
A year back, when I was pregnant many people would come up asking about the gender of the baby in the womb. “What are you having? Son or a daughter?” common question for a would-be-mom going through wearisome morning sickness and dreary emotional flings. Followed by the blessings
“we wish you have a son.”
“Though anything can happen, but how can wish be made for a daughter,”
Wishing for a daughter was curse for the pregnant one, the unspoken words spoke. These blissful wishes mostly came from girls/women/daughters/wives and mothers. There were also consolatory messages for having a daughter “having a son or a daughter is the same, even a daughter is no less than a son”. An infallible consolation! And how much I have loathed all these words and yet now when I am writing it, I feel worse.
Amidst these chaos of a gendered society was the feeling of being a mom. So on one fine March weekend amidst nausea and severe headache I was there at IOM’s emergency room. After a few tests our pregnancy was confirmed positive. Smiles rolled around us and there started the journey, a sweet one with mixed emotions thereafter. It was happiness and contentment so vivid which at times would make me smile and at other times would let me burst into tears without any reason. A wonderful feeling as it was said, was a roller coaster ride with the heave of morning sickness.
I had heard/read about morning sickness in pregnancy but when it came to me, it drained every bit of me. I was tired almost all the time, I didn’t feel like eating for the fear of vomiting. It was very stressful. It’s a wonder that women survive all these ins and outs for nine months and beyond. Even being in pain, the attachment for the unknown one increase folds obliviously. I knew of it at one of my tests where we had to do the Anamoly scan [For readers, Anamoly scan is done in between 18-22 weeks of pregnancy to check if the baby is growing normally]. It was one of the most dreadful times for me. I had read if the baby's growth is not proper and if any physical deformity is seen in the baby during this scan it was better suggested to be aborted. For weeks I cried in fear, had nightmares what if the result is negative and I might have to leave the part of me somewhere in between. Within 18 weeks I had intensely grown as a mother and growing was the attachment for the kid. I didn’t go for a scan till late and when it was tested in the 22nd week with a positive result, I was in all glee.
As Khalil Gibran says in “The Prophet”:
"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
Metta !!
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