This feeling-2

 It doesn't matter. I tell you, it doesn't matter at all.

Metta!

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This feeling!

 This feeling called Sadness, maybe not every sadness can be explained.

Metta!

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The Awesomest One (She-My friend)

Have you ever longed for any words as much as I would do from her? My obsession to her words are like that. I check her "write-place" at least once a day and mostly more every day. Maybe nothing satisfies me more than reading some words and if it comes from her, they are the only thing I want to read. But recently, I don't read her much, maybe she's reading more currently. And till she writes again, I will wait for her words.

Hey! BTW, I bet no one is as good as in describing something as she does, no one in the world is as intelligent as her, and none in the world has her personality. Let me just talk about her and noone can describe about her like me maybe...haha... But well! I would not ever have said even a fraction of what she is because she's just so awesome that words sometime might not do the justice. She's the best and she IS. Please don't forget to meet her in this lifetime. It's a wonderful opportunity for you, that she exists at the same time you do.

She-My friend, the awesomest one, one could ever meet!

Metta !

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Divide and Rule!

The world was always divisive. Divisive based on thoughts, scenarios, whereabouts and everything. Divide and rule was the mantra earlier and so is it now.

We can also see division based on the gadgets we use. Long narrative short, I had heard about an app called "clubhouse" from sometime and just researching about it let me know that it is only available for "iPhone users" that too based on the invite send by others. 

We talk about equality and everything for all and no segregation and no discrimination but still even our apps are designed to create the divide. Maybe the app developers think and say that they are just trying it and seeing how it works, but still they are creating a divide among peoples right? Why does everything need to create a divide and work? Why can't world be just just and function? Maybe I am taking it too far but that is what it is. Even with noble causes, even with trying to be safe from something else we are trying to create the divide and trying to rule therein.

World is crazy and we are crazily thriving! 

#MyTwoCents

Metta!

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Sondering again!

Isn't it a weird world where we are just trying to prove ourselves? Prove we are better than the others. Prove "I" think different than the others do, "I" think something someone has never thought or do someone has never done. I am as unique as I could be. I love the ones around me the most or I do my love in the most loving way.

Everything that "I", "Me" and "My" contains. And there's nothing beyond or above that. Some days I try to counsel myself thinking this is how the world works and maybe this is how it should work. Other days I get into this "sonderous" moment where I see myself one among those who is trying attempting to be one of those "specials"? or "non-specials"? Someday my story looks very important and some other days it's the same story of the 90% of the people I know. Because we somehow lived the same life- being a woman, being poor/underprivileged or bound with the family bounding or simply say it we were "Caged." There's not a thing that's new and many days it's this kind of thought that "I" am just nothing into this vast world.

Some existences!

 Until some new beginnings!

Metta!

Image: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/f6/1e/c0/f61ec06c7e3802c8827695fb63c1f81b.jpg

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Day 2

 Yeah! I was regular with the yoga: Day 2

And so many things to say in between as mind chatters all the time. 

Until then!

Metta!

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Pains and Therapy

After a lots of pain last summer I decided to go to the physiotherapist. Doing physiotherapy was like magic happening every other time to my body as my pains would go away as  I would do a new move every time. Gail was very helpful.

The last time I met my physiotherapist she left me with some videos to try on my own. And today I tried the first one from Adriene's collection  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7AYKMP6rOE 

Yoga feels good right? It did feel good and I hope I continue doing it.

More later!

PS: I hope my distractions will be fruitful...hey you! Thank you :-) You are my everything! 

Like Adams sings

When my hope is lost
And my strength is gone
I run to you and you alone
When I can't get up and I can't go on
I run to you and you alone

'Cause you're my light in the dark
And I sing with all of my heart

Metta!!

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Ramblings!

 Many days, it's a struggle trying proving your point. Proving your point so as to make yourself heard. Proving your point to tell "hey! I do think this way and yeah! it should be okay to feel this way too?!" Don't always put a baggage of blaming on me. I am effed most of the days. 

Metta!

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On writing!

Will I write? 

Write that, what grieves me or troubles me or shouts at me?

Will I ever write? 

Write that, which is unknown but I want to know,

That, what is never spoken of but howls at its own.

Will I ever write?

Metta!

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Happy Days: Aarvik's Days

Nov 3, 2017: Aarvik was born after 37 weeks and 6 days of our pregnancy.

Dec 9, 2020: Aarvik is 37 months and 6 days into his journey of this life.

Happy born day and the days thereafter Aarvik. You are always loved <3

It’s wonderful to realize how time flew from days to weeks to months and years. And it’s been a wonderful journey with Aarvik. As parents both me and Ankit get excited all the times, while also getting tired, overwhelmed and annoyed at some other times. The journey has been so full of emotions and every other new thing. This is phenomenal. Just yesterday he found some chocolate from my bag and suddenly said “C for CHOCOLATE” as he wanted to have one. We were like “Wait! What?” and smiled over. There are such random, unexpected while amazing moments that keeps happening around always and I wholeheartedly wish if we could capture everything that Aarvik does with a 24 hours video surveillance wherever we are. These uncountable moments where he would do something new, say something cuter and leave us smiling and I wish duh! It should have been captured-just to relive these moments again later.

Life is certainly more beautiful with his presence, with his childness, with his contagious happiness 😊! But there are also times when I would be like okay it’s enough! Mostly at times when I am working on something and he would need me continuously. It’s a different kind of struggle between the need of the baby and my own needs. (He waited for me till past 11 PM even yesterday and did not sleep until I got with him in bed). These are the reminders to myself that such happenings are gonna go long and I have to manage my life and time within these.

On a side note, his birth and the time thereafter reminds me of the relationships that have grown around me. Looking back at my life with Aarvik, makes me feel different. As different things changed in between. My thoughts changed, my worldview changed and also changed the people around me. My faith and belief on certain people kept on strengthening some more, while on some kept loosening. It was interesting for me as well to see my thought scenario changing. There are people and relations that has strengthened over time in these 37 months 6 days + 37 weeks 6 days, while others have just faded. And I am left with no energy to keep up with everything. This is one of those realizations. Flow with the flow. Care less. Love more- to whom it matters.

Metta!

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I am justifying THIS again!

Do you still need to be shouting out so loud that your head hurts?

Some days I feel, why do I even need to make a point? Why do I just not listen to people and shut myself up (as I have done many many times)? Why do I just need to reform "society" that will refer to me as a paagal who just makes some bullshit comments.

The point here is about Dhog diye and darshan . Dhog diye (where I bow my head) to my elders in that part of the world where I come from i.e; Far-Western Nepal is a common wishing practice. I realize my spouse and I am these days refereed to with the later form of wishing darshan. I am asked "what is the problem in there?" "Isn't it the common form of salutation you are given to "in your place"?" Mind it here "my place" is referred to be Chitwan which is where my spouse belongs to. A very "small" actually "tiny" thing or that thing that doesn't even exist is the one I am referring to here.  

***************

I feel tired writing about my story here. I am just tired that certain useless thing keep existing and I am there trying to justify myself in LOUD voices.

I am literally TIRED JUSTIFYING MYSELF ALL THE TIMES!

Metta!

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Today !

And on this day i.e. TODAY, I am fighting over being taken to be what I am—and not what I could be because of my affiliation with my spouse. And I have to cry this out loud, make everyone understand that I have my own identity like anyone else. And I try hard to make everyone understand this thing! Yet I fail, I fail badly. 

Let me remind you, TODAY is that historic day when a women is elected Vice President of United States of America. And every woman feels POWERFUL for the day. I, for some reason feel tired and weary after having cried my lungs out, yet failed to make people understand.

The DAY as such !

Metta!

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Societal norms!

Isn't it interesting that your "economic/(societal) status" is known/measured with the thickness of the "gold" chain you wear.

Think :-)! It is so well measured!!

Metta!

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Sonder!

Isn't it interesting to know/feel what you might be thinking right now is just a common thought scenario as anyone your age/ background/ social structure/ exposure/ vulnerability/ race/ gender/ ethnicity/ place...... would have done/ be doing? Hundreds of people like you have thought the way you did and hundreds of them are doing so right now. Also Hundreds of them will be doing sometime in future too. 

What a Sonderous moment to realize this!!

From: The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

Metta!

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