Happy Days: Aarvik's Days

Nov 3, 2017: Aarvik was born after 37 weeks and 6 days of our pregnancy. Dec 9, 2020: Aarvik is 37 months and 6 days into his journey of this life. Happy born day and the days thereafter Aarvik. You are always loved <3 It’s wonderful to realize how time flew from days to weeks to months and years. And it’s been a wonderful journey with Aarvik. As parents both me and Ankit get excited all the times, while also getting tired, overwhelmed and annoyed at some other times. The journey has been so full of emotions and every other new thing. This...

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I am justifying THIS again!

Do you still need to be shouting out so loud that your head hurts?Some days I feel, why do I even need to make a point? Why do I just not listen to people and shut myself up (as I have done many many times)? Why do I just need to reform "society" that will refer to me as a paagal who just makes some bullshit comments.The point here is about Dhog diye and darshan . Dhog diye (where I bow my head) to my elders in that part of the world where I come from i.e; Far-Western Nepal is a common wishing practice. I realize my spouse and I am these days refereed...

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Today !

And on this day i.e. TODAY, I am fighting over being taken to be what I am—and not what I could be because of my affiliation with my spouse. And I have to cry this out loud, make everyone understand that I have my own identity like anyone else. And I try hard to make everyone understand this thing! Yet I fail, I fail badly. Let me remind you, TODAY is that historic day when a women is elected Vice President of United States of America. And every woman feels POWERFUL for the day. I, for some reason feel tired and weary after having cried my...

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Societal norms!

Isn't it interesting that your "economic/(societal) status" is known/measured with the thickness of the "gold" chain you wear.Think :-)! It is so well measured!!Met...

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Sonder!

Isn't it interesting to know/feel what you might be thinking right now is just a common thought scenario as anyone your age/ background/ social structure/ exposure/ vulnerability/ race/ gender/ ethnicity/ place...... would have done/ be doing? Hundreds of people like you have thought the way you did and hundreds of them are doing so right now. Also Hundreds of them will be doing sometime in future too. What a Sonderous moment to realize this!!From:...

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Unlearning, easy or tough?

 Not exactly this or that but yeah I guess am able to vocalize my thoughts properly."Vocalize" properly! Ehh! Sounds vague right! I was reading myself back from 10 years and there I know what a confused soul I was (I might still be). But I say things pretty clearly now. Does it lessen the arc of my confused being? Well! I am practicing it. Trying to unlearn few of the things. But it was not only my fault for being what I was or I am, it's the years of nurturing I got and the thoughts that have been kept feeding into me in different situations...

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Here now!

Some days am pretty enthusiastic (period) and some other days I feel like I am in a new shit! I get into this notion quite often “man! this can be done and that” and then when nothing is done am like, nothing’s gonna happen like this for sure. It’s some pretty pity stage some days and some other days, it doesn’t matter at all.I doubt on my expressions some days! This passing thought pauses me around. And I wish! I wish good things to come to me and us and everyone.Metta...

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Thoughts on a Monday!

Maybe some days you just want to be heard and or have a talk. A talk that you thing is so important that it would change the world for you. Or just pave the path to changing the world or just make you think “oh! An interesting way of thinking” or just something that’s a lot worth to you. And you want to have deep conversations about it. And you expect others to listen to you the same way. And if you don’t find the same kind of enthusiasm from others that makes you frustrated or you are just so tired that all you can show off is frustration and...

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जीवन, कथाबाट कथासम्म

जीवन,कथाबाट कथासम्म। भन्नु धेरै भन्न नसकिने धेरै सोच धेरै सपना धेरै इनिहरु कै बिचमा बाँच्दै गर्दा को जीवन कथाबाट कथासम्म हिजो मात्रै थियो सबै जना मिलि हासी खुसि समय बिताएको , अनि आज वहाँ हुनु हुदैन।  सपना जस्तै बिलिन हुनु भयो।  बाकि छ त केवल कथा हरु।  ति धेरै कथा हरु मध्येको एउटा कथा म सानो हुँदाको -६/७ वर्ष कि थिए हुला म आमा बिरामी भएको हुँदा। त्यो कमुलो मनमा खै कहाँबाट यस्तो आएछ कि आमालाई केहि भए म नि बाच्ने...

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Today !

 Not very new says. Not much fancy stories. Just some tiredness and a mind full of thoughts.Met...

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Of (lack of) motivations and healthy life (to be continued)!

I (mostly) think I should adapt to healthy body options for a healthy lifestyle or vice versa. (Do I need to make sense here? Or be politically correct? Or anything? Maybe!! Maybe not!! Bleh!!) But somewhere the enthusiasm looses and I am left with body aches and I can’t even walk properly. Just wondering is it because I have gained a lot of weight (I was 78 kg a month back, I should have gained more as I have no control over eating + FYI I have not shed any weight post pregnancy. Or maybe I haven’t ATTEMPTED enough to loose any WEIGHT!) or is...

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13 days!

Aama’s 13th day and maybe I am just too full of emotions. It’s been hard to juggle with thoughts. Maybe I should have let the thoughts rest. They needed a break! A long long break. And it would have helped me to not make any view or any say or anything !! Just been a lot to handle!!Mett...

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Meditations of life!

This week was mostly about knowing my meditations. It was amazing to realise things as meditations.Working in laboratory Recently I started working in the Seed lab. The first day I cut the seeds as such that it’s cut just above the embryo, so that it gives results via tetrazolium test. A decade back, working in lab was a course requirement or a chore that had to be done.  Some days fun place to be with friends. Some days frustrating to handle in exams. This time I felt it was meditative. That concentration just to do things the right...

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"She" my friend- (My everything)!!

Isn't it weird that some days I fear what if something happens to me and I would not have expressed (adequately) what you mean to me? I would not have expressed my feelings enough. And puff I go!!I fear dear. I fear bad! Know that, I have always loved you the most. I have always tried the best whatever I can do in all possible ways. Just that I have not known enough of doing things. That I didn't know how things work. I didn't know how I could make it work. They never listened to me. And things were never in my hands. And I regret it every...

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Incomplete verses !

Day 6 ends. Day 7 startsIts 00:53 AM****************Like always there’s swarm of thoughts inside. I actually don’t know if I want to express it or not. But right now am forcing myself too. Maybe it will just liberate me is what I feel. ****************I want to let everyone know about Aama. Both Aama and Buwa have been so imbibed in my surrounding being that I have not seen them as separate someone and maybe I have not talked enough about them or maybe that habit of mine of not talking about my personal life much apart from my core circle...

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Aama (Where are you?)

Like Aarvik asks “Where are you?” And we repeat, “here I am, here I am. How do you do?” I wish Aama said the same and just came therein. But even after having called her for the umpteenth time, she didn’t respond. Not even on the fourth day.***********There’s a vacuum inside me. My mind seems numb. I am sleepless. It’s already 6 AM and my eyes are wide open. In days when my status is vacuum, my mind rambles. For today, it is just numb. I have been trying hard distracting my mind, but nothing seems helping. Nothing at all. Suddenly I feel like crying...

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Of the worldly affairs!

Everyone around me is kind of hypocrite and I detest this feeling that I can't even express that "hey! you are the number one hypocrite and are the one romanticizing your hypocrisy." Duh!! I detest this feeling. I do yet I just jot them down, frown over it, sulk and get going. Maybe this is how life goes.Met...

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That feeling called numbness!

Nothing more than numb I feel at the moment.Peace I want.Met...

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The approached time!

The fears exist for a long time before they approach. And when they approach, *puff* the emotions evade themselves. They know how to be stronger each time. And they have grown stronger with time. They are resilient as a part of me. Some days I wonder who got better with time-THEM or ME or US !Met...

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The fear of unknown!

How often do you fear? Fear even to ask!Mett...

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Dandelions and Running Thoughts !

Trying to make writing a routine, yet not sure-how long? More motivations needed !! ************************ Felt like writing about parenthood, this is one of the topics I have wanted to write yet not been able to write. I don't know why, but something or the other things keeps coming as a hindrance. Most importantly me. I have been a slug in writing and reading. And I don't like this "me" who puts off everything. Being a parent-a mother, has...

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Writing is therapeutic. Right?

So here starts the journey of writing, writing again. A and I have agreed to write. Write something each day? Maybe for at least an hour or lesser, but we will write. For how long don't know yet, but I feel we will write something. Writing in itself gives me life, makes me liberated, and makes me feel good. The other day my counselor was asking me, what do you do for self care? I said I listen to music, dance, move around...I forgot to say I write,...

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Days !!

Classes are running in this "global pandemic" and I am a #GraduateMom... Oh ! Hel(p)lo! I seek peace! Metta...

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Everything is surreal!

Some days I suddenly realize that when things were not happening good to me, one after the other kept creating havoc in my life. And I was so lonely then. And those people were cruel. I want none of that and them back in my life. Metta...

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Chapters of life!

Have you closed chapters in life? (I smiled as I am writing this). Here to one more closings. Closing the past that at times when comes near me keeps me thinking back and makes me wonder. Oh well! maybe all the chapters of life are not very friendly and not to be keep opening back. To one more of those! Mett...

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For peace

She asked me why did I think the way I do. I was dumbfounded. Seriously!! Metta ...

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Peace for this year !

Things were not that easy, and things aren't easy either. I see darkness at times and it's tough to move over. I hope January just gives happiness and the dark clouds flee by. Mett...

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