Peace!

 Peace :-)

PC: Google images!

Pieces for peace!

PC: Google images

Metta!

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Hea(u)rt ~~!!

Even though knowing

until and unless I write

I won’t be free

What is that,

That is stopping me from writing

Maybe the fear,

fear that 

I will be open

open like a wound

which will not be healed

but open and wounded more

coz,

There are a lot

Who give (more) wounds

even after all that exists

even after all I do

even after my existence in the purest of forms

There are a lot

ready to snitch on me

hurt me 

and make me half-dead 

with their words

and their being

and act innocent

and say,

You are the culprit

because you exist.

Somewhere inside

even after I die a little

I say,

All izz well

and again with that smile

I move on

even though taking 

the burden of all that exists

and ask myself

how long?

How long can I take this?

and 

How long should I take this?

Maybe shutting down is the best for me

and I shut down

I complain to myself

and shut down

coz that is the best I can do

coz that is what

that helps 

Even after all that happens!

Metta! 

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Maybe !

 Maybe the rich people want the richer connections!

That's how the world works!! That's how the world works!

Metta!

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Too tired!

 Loneliness

&

Exhausted energy!

Why?

Why am I even expressing?

Maybe in anticipation,

that at least

I am heard somewhere

in 

some form

not in talks

but

at least

in my writes

this loneliness

&

Exhausted energy!

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Will we?

 Will anything ever suffice?

Will anything ever make sense?

Will our running ever end?

Will we ever be content with what we have?

Everything is futile. Nothing matters.

Metta!!

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Vanish!

How many times would I have wanted to vanish and have not been able to? If like the messages that say “vanish mode” life could also have that “vanish mode.” And life would be free of any judgements, any longings and any mirage.

Just the oblivion and vanish!

Metta!!

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Life!

Have you had a life where everyone hates you? Hate you from the core of their heart, find wrong in every doing, still around there to tell you how wrong you are!!

Have you had a life as such!?!

Metta!

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Times!

 Do you have a control over your vulnerability?

No. Not at all.

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Defining moments!

Does the title do justice to what I will be writing? (a thought that came over, which I always defy and move on).

What is your defining moment? 

And what are others' defining moments for you? 

Does it even matter to have one or the other?

It's very interesting to realize this thing. Many moons back I was in class 9 or 10 maybe when my school decided to give me the "Most Obedient Student" award, I was happy (of course why not! awards make everyone happy) and surprised coz I didn't know that such an award existed. But the overall story is that I was happy. Just then one of my classmate suddenly commented "Ohh! this award doesn't suit you now when you "talk so much," it would have suited you when "you used to be quieter." This say of my friend I think will stay with me forever as it reminds me of the human behavior- of the human way of looking at things and thus thereafter.

I get many comments from my family members about how I am- mostly negative when I interact with them. Sometime they say they have said it in jest, or sometimes they just want to say that, or sometimes...the reasons would be many. But all in all, the negatives come before any positives. And it is a very interesting pattern of how humans interact-- or is it the "traumatized" human interaction? Because most of our life we have been listening to something bad about us in every interaction with our "other family members." For Praising we need to put so much of effort but if we have to say anything negative about anyone- it comes instantaneously.

Most of the time when I try to talk about it, people just start with the say that I am making a fuss out of it or "you always talk like this." Maybe behind my back they do appreciate some of my efforts, but when it comes to be face to face it is very disheartening to see the pattern. It's disheartening to know of my thousands efforts of good (which I have genuinely done), all remains is my some "being human"s bad (which in my all conscience was never bad- I never think ill of anyone- I never do ill to anyone). There's no point of my countless efforts which I do behind the scenes (which nobody sees, which nobody knows of)-- you can't even imagine the vulnerabilities I have been through. The countless points of judgement I have gone through in so many spheres I have been in. There have been good humans always around but there're also humans who never left any stones unturned to make my path difficult, to not let me do what I wanted and also be able to be there for my most dear ones when I so needed to- wanted to.....

Do my stories of vulnerabilities define me?

Metta!

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Thoughts Now!

A very very weird feelings creeps in.

I don't know what it is- but makes me very sad. very very sad. I don't know- but I don't want to carry over this feeling. Chanted "Om Namah Shivaya" loud-- may good feelings prevail.

For all the good and positive feelings to flow on.

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA!!

Metta!

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Life and Medley's!

You grow up with a kid. Not just the kid grows-- that had been thought and this thought grows profound with the growing Aarvik.

A kid can teach you so many things and makes you a "grownup" with their why's and how's? The research questions for the reseacrh feels like to be coming right out from a 3/4/5 year old'smouth. Why does this happen? Why do you need to do this? how do you do it? That's it. That's about it. A 3/4 /5year old starts finding the answer and as someone in their 30s is still finding the same answers. Will be doing the same thing in their 40s.. Does life in "real terms" grow?

Anywho apart from color/colorism, and other ten thousand question one question that has added in A's dictionary is "die." He would suddenly say- "I don't want to be hundred years and die." I feel like the death of the fish "carrot" i their classroom has brought him to reality about death with still keeping him being scared about death. Life is funny! Funny that it brings near to so many things and at the same time drags us far from them.

 Metta!

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The Reality That STands for This Life!

 Maybe for a second,

a thought came- 

rose high and then suddenly with no sense of belonging 

died therein.

 

Not only today-

but everyday

one or two of those thoughts come

rise above and dive down to plunge somewhere unknown everyday 

#TheRealityForThisLife !

Metta!

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Black history month!

When black and brown kids-

will be excluded coz they have black hair

and their skin tone is not white

but everything else.

"When black and brown kids"-

can they be even kept in the same pot?

Or they will be measured in terms of

who suffers more?

 

I don't find words. I don't have words!!

 

#Exclusion #Inclusion #Black #Brown !

 

Metta!!

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Her life (She- my friend)!

How difficult would it be,

to be an unturned stone

ready to be turned- wanting to be turned

but the world bringing its unheeded obligations

leaving the stone unturned

 

How difficult would it be,

to be burned- burned in the fire of nothingness

the "nothing," which is just made to be everything

halting the one who is already free

and scrunching her feathers in the name of "societal norms."

 

How difficult would it be,

to be be smiling, then

while inside, you're thrashed with hopelessness

and the unkindness of the state

still, you never stopped- did it so fearlessly

 

How difficult did they make it,

the life that could be lived so easily

Yet, you fought so hard- burnt them

rose like the phoenix- like you always do

You are the FORCE dear Metta!


Metta

(Remembered her victory day)!

 

 

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